Life and aging

Life and aging

I took Bob to see a Psychologist yesterday for some test.  His memory (short term) seems to be worse; also to check on his OCD.  I was present for the first part of the test when they gave the first interview.  They asked him some questions, and then asked me to fill in any blanks or to further enlighten them about why he was there and also how he was doing.  Then he spent two hours with them doing all kinds of test so that they could ascertain the level of his mental status.  It turned out that his short term memory is not all that good and that while he will do ok with doing routine task it would be good for instance not to change his routine to often.

When Bob was talking I was deeply impressed by how he was able to accept his diminishment not only with grace but even with a bit of humor thrown in.  I have known for a long time, partly due to my work, that we are slowly as we age backed into a smaller and smaller corner and our freedoms taken away one by one by those who are responsible for our care; in other words we become like children again.  For some it comes very late in life but for many it can be a slow process that covers many years.  Working with the elderly has taken away much of my fear of growing old since I see how well many of the elderly that I take care of handle it.  Granted it is not always pleasant (but whose life is) but there are still times of joy and pleasure that they experience and enjoy.  Also while I have seen that most of the elderly, at least the ones I have taken care of do not fear death, though they still love life and are not interested in hastening their exit.

While their outer life may be diminished their inner life seems to flourish and many seem to have a deep and abiding relationship with God.  Prayer is important for many of them, a deep quiet type of prayer which sustains them and gives them a lot of joy.  Studies have shown that mystical experiences are not uncommon with those who are in their latter years. 

We live in a culture were looking “under thirty” is considered a wise choice in living ones life.   It is like we are trying to deny that we are truly pilgrims in this world and like it or not we are just passing through, and time is the train that we are all riding on….. we just have different stops along the way where we get off.  I think we should take care of ourselves but the cult of youth in our country I feel has ruined a lot of lives.  Women are supposed to look like they are in their 20’s or 30’s no matter their age; and the fashion styles are made only for those who have a certain type of body.  Those who do not fit into this starved stereotype, feel inferior in some way or fat.  I think beautiful women are the ones most trapped, since they feel that they have to continue to look “young” no matter how much time and energy it takes as they age.

Getting older is so much a part of life that I find it interesting that we spend so much money to look “youthful”.  I have always found it distasteful to see older women and also men who try to hold on to a “youth” that is long gone and has served its purpose.  What is wrong with middle age (?), or old age for that matter, why is it considered smart to deny this fact of life, is it not crazy?  To live a healthy life style is not the same as the notion that we should die looking thirty years younger.  We should be proud of our age.  Age brings wisdom and deepens us in ways that youth does not have and brings with it a different kind of beauty.  Youth is great but it has its place and then must be left go of.  I am not talking about becoming rigid or “set in ones ways” but in simply accepting the realities of life and to embrace it.

While I know that death is not that far for me and that the hopefully 30 or so years I have left (if I am lucky) will fly by faster than the preceding years, it has only made me appreciate life more and to accept my mortality, and also the mortality of those that I love.  I don’t take people for granted anymore and this has deepened the joy that I get from my friendships, even as I learn not to cling. 

When I revisit my “youth” it seems like another life to me since I am so much more than the 23 year old man that I have memories of.  I would not go back a single year since life is sweeter for me now, and what I focus on is based on what I want or need and not on what the culture around me tries to either tell me or sell me...  I think we are bombarded so much by advertising, shallow magazines etc that I think most of us are “brain washed” and our lives can reflect that, since we are immersed in an ocean of noise pollution that makes self reflection very difficult. 

We are called upon to develop what is important to our soul growth.  To deepen our connection not only with God but just as importantly with our fellow men and women, and to grow in compassion and empathy, not only towards ourselves but towards all.  We are called to love not only our friends but also those with whom we have the most trouble.  Just think how different life would be if it was believed that every man, woman and child no matter what they have become, or what they have done, are loved infinitely by the Father of lights.  To also to honor the elderly and to be thankful for the lives that they have lived and to also listen to them and see how beautiful they really are instead of placing them (as many do) in nursing homes and then forget them.    Sometimes we need to place our loved ones in homes so that they can get the care they need, but to make them dumping grounds is a real loss to the families who do such things.

Peace

mitch