openess/friendship
12.21.04 (2:39 pm) [edit]Why is it so hard to be open with others? Why can it be even harder to be open with people that we care the most about? I think one answer is based on the concept of power. To care for another person means that we at some level or open to them, something that can’t be helped. The other has power over the one who cares for him or her even if they are not aware of it. So to approach someone with that kind of openness is a scary thing. People whom we are indifferent to or perhaps just like, cannot do anything bad to us on an emotional level……well it may take something big for that to happen. Rejection is not an issue with everyday friends, but can be when real friendship is involved. I have never turned down an offer of friendship from someone who I intuit is making them selves vulnerable by approaching me. I think it is foolish to turn down friendship….well at least in my experience it has always been worthwhile even if it takes time for the fruit of the relationship to become apparent.
So I guess what I am saying is that I know, that those who love me and have a relationship with me are in some way putting themselves in the palm of my hand, and they can be easily hurt deeply by me if I choose to do so. I choose not to do so, at least not on purpose. If I do hurt someone like that I go to a great deal of trouble to ask for forgiveness. People are important and we should all nourish those who come into our lives and respect the courage it takes for someone to reveal their vulnerable side and also be aware of the damage we can cause them if we abuse that trust.
I also do the same thing when I open myself up to another and because of that I am careful with whom I do that with. I find that relationships also have cycles; some of them negative. To want friendship with say an addict because of my family background is something that I find not good. I think it is sort of a brother thing since I have a couple of brothers who have drinking problems and I was close to them when I was young, and still am actually. My oldest brother who is seven years older than me. and my younger brother who I am close, closer now than years before, but he still drinks….. but is getting better at it because of his children. So I try to cultivate friendships with others that take time to cultivate and I find this enriching. Compulsion is not something that any relationship should be based on. Family issues can be one cause of getting involved in destructive friendships so it is good to look into the past to stay clear of repeating history so to speak.
So one can be open to those who approach them, be there for them, help them but not always be able to become deep friends because of past experiences with certain types of personalities, with a certain range of problems, that are a barrier to any kind of deep relationship; this is sad but true. None the less I can’t take out past frustrations on the one standing before me but can be as kind and as loving as I can be.
We can all be channels of God’s love if we allow it to flow thru us. Much of the worlds pain is based not having someone in their lives who care and listen to them. This is not easy that it why a deep prayer life is needed in order to see Christ not “in” others but Jesus as “one” with the other. We are to love our neighbors as ourselves that is a commanded, commanded because it is difficult
If not impossible without the healing touch of God’s love in our hearts; without empathy we cannot see things from any other perspective but our own and this creates barriers that are impossible to overcome unless a broader focus is developed.
I am writing this because I have worked in this for years and it has been an interesting journey for me and rewarding…..so if it comes across that I am preaching I am not……just talking to myself.
Peace
mitch
posted by: Marijane24 (reply)
post date: 12.21.04 (12:46 pm)
I agree with you, when someone is surrounded by others that do not care and listen or by people who say negative things to them, it will cause them pain which will not be a good thing for others around them. In whole it will not be good for the interest of society, if say they act out in destructive ways. They need to turn to god for the support and love they need and know that Jesus cares for them and understands their pain.
posted by: Marijane24 (reply)
post date: 12.21.04 (12:46 pm)
OH and of course friendship helps alot too. :)
posted by: mitchdolittle (reply)
post date: 12.21.04 (12:56 pm)
Reply to: Marijane24
Thanks marijane glad that you understood what I was trying to say.
I suppose it is in our relationships that we have the chance to really grow and expand or to close up and protect ourselves.
peace
mitch
posted by: Shishimi (reply)
post date: 12.22.04 (7:59 pm)
I think..People closed to us and will get hurt most easily by us..
I dun have much friends actually..or say I hav no friends .. when I am with somebody I jus could not open up my mind to talk to them.. and I dun like girls..just cannot trust them..
And Only those people who know me in years and months then I can talk to them freely and they will finally find out I am an interesting girl...
hehe...
Merry Christmas~!!!^0^
posted by: mitchdolittle (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (5:44 am)
Reply to: Anastacia
Yes I think we need to be more aware of the effect we have on others.
Peace
mitch
posted by: mitchdolittle (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (5:45 am)
Reply to: Shishimi
Actually I thought that as soon as I read you blog.....that you are very interesting.
Peace
mitch
posted by: kurtmaddox (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (11:08 am)
You said:
We are to love our neighbors as ourselves that is a commanded, commanded because it is difficult.
I say:
Great! I also love my neighbor as myself because logic and reason reveal its wisdom. I would do so even if God commanded otherwise :-)
posted by: odessabo (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (11:15 am)
I noticed this just the other day. Having a conversation with my wife about people in the world. I realized then that I am overly empathetic, possibly to a fault, to people I don't even know.
It actually pangs deep when I see atrocities done to another. For instance, the woman who was killed and the baby removed from her womb.
I sit and mentally and try and put myself in her shoes at that very moment. How horrible it must be to go through. Did she beg for her life? Did she think about some 7 year old friend she had in elementary school? Or did she wonder in those few moments as she took her last few breaths about how she would be remembered?
Me, being a man 35 can actually sit and make myself cry when I visit people's pain in my mind; it's so anti-sterotypical to say the least.
Then I realized while talking to my wife how that it is people that I am close to that I show less empathy for. Why is this? I am confused somehow.
I find it so easy to criticise those who I love and bring their faults out in the open. I care for them dearly. Would die for any of those who I love. Then, why do I not show the same empathy?
They have problems too. Their feelings get hurt and need reassurance. I am usually stern with those around me.
I asked her this question and she replied that it is those who you love that you are supposed to do this to.
How can that be?
posted by: mitchdolittle (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (11:21 am)
Reply to: odessabo
(((((Then I realized while talking to my wife how that it is people that I am close to that I show less empathy for. Why is this? I am confused somehow.)))))
It is safer to feel empathy for strangers since we are not close to them, nor do we see them day after day. I think anger is a ploy to protect ups from the pain of those we love.
peace
mitch
posted by: mitchdolittle (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (11:25 am)
Reply to: kurtmadox
(((((Great! I also love my neighbor as myself because logic and reason reveal its wisdom. I would do so even if God commanded otherwise :-))))))
I don't think God or God's grace is something seperate from us, we just need to be open to it. One great thing about commandments, in rough times that be a light that we can strive for.
peace
mitch
posted by: mitchdolittle (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (11:27 am)
Reply to: kurtmadox
(((((Great! I also love my neighbor as myself because logic and reason reveal its wisdom. I would do so even if God commanded otherwise :-))))))
I don't think God or God's grace is something seperate from us, we just need to be open to it. One great thing about commandments, in rough times that be a light that we can strive for.
peace
mitch