the wheel

the wheel

The wheel keeps turning and there is nothing that I can do about it.  From moment to moment the conditions of my inner life change and while I can be in a good centered mood in the morning, were all is right with the world…… there is a good chance that it will be something totally different by early afternoon or even before.  One word from someone or something can go wrong at work and suddenly a ‘good’ day becomes a ‘bad’ day.  I don’t think that anything can be done about that; such is reality I guess.  Sometimes I feel like the wheel has no center, like the spokes that line the inner part of the wheel don’t connect to anything inside, like there is no center but only chaos with bits of good and bad floating to the surface of my awareness.  Of course when I am in the thick of ‘something’ I am not sure how aware I really am.  Personality constriction that  comes about because I am struggling to just stay afloat in the plain everyday-ness of life is not a form of consciousness, but a limitation that keeps me from experiencing life around me and being present to others. 

When this happens and I am ‘awake’ enough to deal with it I try to just stop, focus, get perspective and then move on.  This however does not always happen since my ‘center’ is hidden away somewhere under the waves of my agitation.  Luckily someone ‘out there’, separate from my own inner chaos will say something that is helpful in bringing me around, or at least start the process that will get me grounded.

Where is God in all of this?  Where is God when life is chaos, when the world seems full of suffering, when the center does not hold as they say and things fall apart?  Well God is simply there of that I firmly believe.  Perhaps that is what has kept me sane all of this time when my inner world seems to want to swallow me and devour me.  Even if I lose touch with my center I am never out of touch with my deepest center which is God, who sustains and loves me no matter what I feel, emote or happen to believe at any one time.  There is a part of me that is permanent some call it the soul, and the life of the soul is the eternal one who has revealed ‘Itself” as love no matter what information tempts me to believe the contrary.   I read something once that said  God is not “protective” but is  “provident”, that ‘It’ has revealed itself as ‘Father” who journeys with us through life and that no matter how things look our life has meaning, so no amount of my own inner fragmentation or the chaos and suffering of the world will stop that.  

So I do have a center but it is based on something eternal, something who is love but not kind, a Father who will do anything and everything to not only bring me home but all of mankind…..this I have come to believe but cannot prove nor do I try to.

Peace everyone and I hope you all have a peaceful and joyous season……and please don’t go crazy.

Peace

mitch