light/darkness

light/darkness

I have found that if I use something dark to mediate on then dark thoughts will come up…no duh …..right?  Dark thoughts don’t necessarily mean that they are false, sometimes the darker things in life can ‘seem’ to be more real and also more in control.   The underbelly of life, that seems sometimes to have a choke hold on humanity in general, and me in particular at certain times in my life, if not seen in perspective can lead to despair…..which is just another trap that needs to be avoided.

The metaphor of the struggle between ‘light’ and ‘dark’ is based on observation and will either lead me to think or believe that the dark is winning since it seems to be the easier road to take, sinse it is mostly based on immediate satisfaction of ones desires or ambitions, and usually does not take much self-reflection to accompolish.  In order to live in the ‘light’ I have to live in the open so to speak, to allow the light to reach the dark corners of my soul so that I can do something about it, and even more importantly, to allow grace to do its work.  I can always come up with good reasons for doing the most awful things, and have them (reasons) all lined up, and can surround myself  with them as a protection from the light that would show them for what many of them (the reasons) are. 

The more I hide from the ‘light’ the harder it is for me to accept the ‘truth’, since truth will throw me back on myself in self-reflection and then I will have to deal with the pain of my own inner darkness.  The darkness grows the more I throw it outside of myself onto others, the more I can vent my anger and self-hatred onto others the more comfortable I will feel, for a shorter and shorter period as time moves on; for I will then fool myself that I am dealing with ‘things’ so to speak.  How do I know this?  By my observation of others; on how they treat me, and how they relate to those around them, and from that observation I have come to the conclusion that I do the same thing. If it were not true I would not be able to discern that process in those whom I observe.  It is much easier to read the other than to look inward, for that will only show me that the darkness that I see in others is in reality only a reflection of my self, a self that I perhaps do not want to gaze upon.  When that becomes a habit I can find myself getting involved in all kinds of negative cycles not only in my relationships but also in my work situation.  The more blind I become the more the world becomes a place of conflict, both on the defensive and the offensive front.

The road that leads to the light is narrow because I have to deal with myself first and don’t have the broad field of all the ‘others’ to project on to.  I don’t become scattered by becoming trapped in the hearts and heads of those around me since I stay in my own heart and head; not looking outward but inward.  When that happens, the looking inward I find that since I know my own darkness I am no longer forced to deal with it in others and by that fact I am free to see their beauty and light which is also present.  In fact the light is more powerful than the darkness since I know from experience that the most hardened person on the outside who seems at war with everyone, will respond to the feeling of being seen, heard, and loved and accepted.  Empathy and compassion can only flower when self knowledge is the center from which it flows from, anything less than that is sentimentality only and no long term friendship, or really any kind of relationship can survive without it.

So yes the inner darkness that we all have to deal with, not only on the individual level but also on the collective, is one that we really have no choice in taking if we wish to survive.  For we choose collectively to ignore it, and refuse to grow in this way, we will simply be back into a tighter and tighter corner until we respond to the call for change.  I think we are already in a tight spot as it is and hopefully we will learn, slowly perhaps but learn we must. 

As a Christian I believe that it is only grace that can give the strength to began this difficult journey, but one that in the end will cause the world to flower and grow and to stop this slide we seem to be going in at this time.

In the light people are treated as subject; the darkness causes others to become mere objects to be used and discarded.

Peace
mitch