Carried

Carried


I seem to have a lot of jump starts in my life. New beginnings, then a slowly winding down, until a new jolt of some kind is needed for me continue my journey. Old habits slowly regain some of their potency, draining me and at times making it seem that I simply stop, yet I know I don’t, for the desire, no matter how weak it seems, is still there.

Perhaps one of the wonderful things about getting older is that it is possible to look back over long decades past and see that things seem to fall back together again; no matter how chaotic, or dark, things seemed to have been. I guess that is a form of wisdom, this knowing that the ups and downs of life are simply a part of our seeking. The being on the mountain one day and then, at times, suddenly in a dark valley simply stumbling along in the dark, thinking that one lost, is not what it seems. Yes after awhile the lesson is learned. The stumbling is just as important as being on the mountain top. For in the darkness faith grows strong, trust deepens and God’s presence, even if not felt, is known to be journeying along with us pilgrims, the need for consolation lessens as faith matures.

Then there are horrible tragedies’, events so painful that no words are possible to deal with what happened. So many thing can go wrong in our lives, numerous things that we mercifully don’t think about, since nothing can be done to prevent them; just hindsight after it happens, which can only add on a deep sense of false guilt. Lots of pious things can be said, yet in the end, God is present in this unbearable pain and darkness, for God in Christ suffers with us on our journey, such is love, always present; though often giving us courage to bear and not the diminution we really perhaps desire. It call all seem so absurd, so unnecessary, so arbitrary.

We live in a universe, in which random events happen, where chaos seems to have the upper hand and yes when real human evil seems to be winning. Answers are cheap, both believers and also unbelievers are ever ready to throw their two cents in, which at the time one is suffering don’t help much. Suffering is not an intellectual exercise but the immediate confrontation to ones own morality and also helplessness in the face of suffering, evil and yes death. It strips away our dream like existence and wakes us up to the true nature of our lives. In that we face the infinite the eternal. At times screaming out our rage, our hatred and for many, in time, their surrender to the great mystery of our lives, the immanent and transcendent God, in which we live and move and have our being.

It is our souls that are nailed to the cross. Christ carries us, is with us when we are in our deepest despair and suffering, for within his soul, his heart, he carries us all. His death is all of our deaths, his being tortured and mocked; again, he experiences all the hatred and bigotry that we all experience at different times in our lives. Christ carries our wounds, for each life, each soul, each death and all suffering is known by Christ first hand, such is infinite love.

It is a hard love, yet softer and gentler than any we can know. Yet we must drink our chalice to the bottom, such is our life, often filled with imponderables. It is in embracing the darkness, trusting that we move forward. It is also being honest, knowing when to scream and yell and yes even curse the dark empty sky, for that is also part of our being human and it is loved by our infinite Creator, who is there with us in our screaming and in feeling lost a and alone.

God is not Santa Claus, nor is faith for the weak and faint hearted. To give up ones faith, to become indifferent is the escape, the numbing of the soul is not the path we are called to follow. The cross that Christ asks us to carry is simply our life, to embrace it, love it, yes suffer it, but to also experience the joy and love that is also present. So the road dark and hard, yet within the soul there is joy also, deep abiding, in which nothing can take away.

For in the infinite rest our deepest longings, we are all God’s work of art, and to bring us to our infinitely loved future great sorrow and pain for most must be traversed. Do I understand, well no, yet when I ponder Christ on the cross, something happens within my soul, knowing that when I look upon the cross, I see my soul, Christ one with my life, with all lives, no stranger to suffering, in fact he carries all suffering for all times. We suffer one at a time, or for our loved ones, yet Christ experiences the suffering of all.


United

the lover embraces the pain of the beloved,
the deeper the love present,
causes the lover to suffer more,
a loving mother,
or father,
embraces the suffering child
seeking to absorb its pain
yet cannot,
so the parent journeys with the child
united in suffering love.

we call God father,
yet it points to something far greater
than the love of a parent,
though it is the closest we can come to fathom,
for who has understanding of the infinite,
the depth which can never be reached,
who can understand it,
yet we can surrender in faith
and yes deep courage.