Chanting prayer

Chanting prayer

Chanting prayer

It was one of those mornings with William, a common event, yet not everyday,
so when it happens it is always somewhat of a surprise, though not a big one.
He wakes up, and gives me and whomever else is helping; for it takes two clean him,a certain look, a WTF look, wary, cunning, fearful, trying to figure what is going on,yet failing, so he becomes very angry, screaming, trying to get us away from him,yet of course we can’t, like so many times before, it simply has to be done.

Quite a lot to do this good morning, a lot to clean, scrub, you know the usual,
though some morning can be a little busier than others, this was one of them.
So, we both take a deep breath and try to get it done as gently and as quickly as possible, though it is not easy by any measurement.Taking off night clothes, cleaning his skin, putting on medicines, and lotions, takes a lot of time an energy, though this morning he did not try to bite or kick; just screaming. He told me lots of things about myself, I won’t go into it here,so I just agreed with him; this stopped him for about six seconds,then he started up again.

He has a lot of energy when angry, of course it is based on fear, he thinks,
falsely of course, yet true in his world, that we are trying to hurt him,
so he tries to defend himself the best way he can,by throwing lots of verbal abuse, and some mornings physical.

We sometimes laugh, not of mockery, but just to get rid of the stress,for some days are more difficult than others in dealing with thisGod awful disease that reduces people to that state that William is in,so laughter is one way of getting rid of the inner angst, that perhaps most care givers feel from time to time, it is impossible to get away from,it is perhaps there when not even averted to, it just waits for the time,then lo it is there, it all of its gut wrenching sorrow, not often felt until later,when the quiet allows it to arise.

So I told Bernie I would sit with him for awhile, while she got breakfast for the others,I took him down to the little chapel as is my practice with him of late,
I tried to pray the rosary with him, but this time it did not work,he was just to lost in his inner world of fear and anger at what we did to him.So I sat and waited and watched with him. He says some very interesting thing when I listen,much of it a poem of sorts, and yes he still chants from time to time,haunting in its beauty, it touches my soul deeply as if he is crying for all of mankind,yes all I can do is listen to him, be with him, but not much else,
sometimes there is only so much that can be done, then all you can do is just be with him.

This is some of the things he was chanting this morning:

“come down, come down,
you hurt me,
you help me,
come down, come down,
get me out of here
please why do they do what they do,
come down, come down,
get me out of here.

my belly hurts
where am I
come down, come down,
get me out of here
why won’t you help me?"

It resembles a song of sorts, also a psalm, a prayer, that I could certainly understand,
so I just sat and waited and watched with him, for that is all I could do.I don’t know why I love this kind of thing, perhaps it is because this is one of the only worthwhile things I can think of doing. All else for me is just taking care of myself,so guess this gets me out side of myself, perhaps I get more out of this than what I put in,something I think about often, ponder, in end I don’t know,for there is much I don’t understand, and as I get older,have come to the realization, that is ok.