Inner voices

10.13.07 (11:24 am)   [edit]

 



Inner voices

 Often times, I am often surprised and dismayed, how difficult simple communication can be; at times it is I who become emotional, angry, unreasonable and walk away leaving the other in confusion and pain, seeking a way to express what they really meant. An emotion comes up, stronger than called for in any one exchange, yet there it is. Sometimes reason returns, emotions like storm waves calm down, the surface flat, allowing for a more rational objective approach (if such is really possible) to surface. Even in the midst of it all, reason is there like a child whispering in a crowded room, trying to get me to slow down, to think, yet I can’t hear, or if I do, well other voices are louder, more strident, even if childish and in the end dangerous, since foolish things can be said, or decisions made that will bring regret later, sometimes deep and painful, worsening, healing slow in coming, all because of an irrational response.

I have struggled with this all my life, over all I have made progress with this, yet it is often like riding a wild horse, seeking not to be thrown off, lest the other be trampled. The past bites, its marks left in the present, a threat if not dealt with leading to the same ending, until what is needed to be learned, or done, accomplished. It is never really over in the end. Small steps in freedom are possible; growth is slow, getting up not so difficult with practice, learning to offer an apology can also be done, though never easy, becoming a habit of sorts. Not to have this ability to admit mistakes, wrongdoing, only makes one a victim, helpless, pitiable.

The inner voices are strong, so I embrace them, accept them and then they seem to quiet, however for only a season; yet as I learn (again ever so slowly) they become easier to deal with. They only after all want to be heard, not feared, or pushed down into some kind of dudgeon.

The inner path is often difficult, painful, confusing, yet in the end the fruit garnered worth it.

 

0 Comments

Your Name:


Your Comment: