Thirst

It was in 1976; I was twenty eight and needed time to think. About things, my life, if the path I was on, the right one. I sort of knew it was, but I was so young when I made my choice, that I wanted to step back and just look at it. I took off for six months; it was interesting to say the least. I hitched across country, met some really nice people, gave some money away, got some given to me, in fact I had more money with me than before I left, go figure. The more I gave away, the more was given back to me.

I stayed with my brother and his wife in Texas for a few months. Got job as a common laborer at a construction site, did not go out much, just spent time with the family. They live very close to the ocean, so on certain days I would go out by myself for long walks. It would be on cloudy overcast days, the ones I like best, no the ones I love the most, with low lying clouds, dark and thick, so beautiful and restful to look at.

The beach would be almost empty where I parked the car, then I would set off over the hard brown sand, relishing the fact that I was by myself, with lots of expanse to walk on. I am not always sure what happened on those walks, but I would get very quiet inside, just listen to the waves, play tag, following them back and then running from, when the tide came back in. Watched sea gulls, observed the crabs, just walked and looked I guess.

When I am near the ocean, hearing the waves, smelling the salty air I breath in, I become aware of a deep thirst in my soul, then it was very intense, I would try to fill my soul with the refreshing salt air, like a man starving for something unknown, also knowing that at the same time I was being wooed in some way, interior touches, so light and gentle , I was young after all and I think if the experiences was too powerful I would have run away. Instead I would bask in the gentle presence, feeling my thirst, which the sea would allow me for some reason to feel.

The hours would fly by like moments, the miles unnoticed; it was like I was in another world, which perhaps I was. Aware of my own inner mediocrity, and yes my many failures, I was amazed that I would be pursued in such a manner, being young I did not understand the depth of the love seeking me. Perhaps I understand just a little better now, being pursued for so many years, decades; I have come to trust in the love desiring me, than I do in myself, my moods, feelings, emotions and thoughts. Even though I am still deeply aware of my many failings; who can comprehend infinite love?