Another trip

Another trip

Another trip

Well William is still with us. After we took him off some of his meds, he seemed to improve a bit, at least as far as his eating is concerned, which before was nil. He was slowly starving himself, so I am happy that we got that cleared up. Because of his age, he has not bounced back to the level he was at before; he is now pretty much chair bound. He has not been in his bed for months, he stays in his geriatric chair and it is what he prefers. When we try to put him into his bed, no matter how tired he is, he tries to climb out. I think it is because he is afraid of being cut off from everyone. He once told me that it scares him when he forgets where he is at and that he does not like to be alone when that happens. Now we keep him in sight at all times, and get him out of his chair to clean and take care of his other needs. His confusion will often make it difficult and often more than one person is needed, but all in all he is not much trouble to take care of. When the sitting room gets busy we put him some distance away, down a hallway where it is not so chaotic, and he stays at peace. Otherwise he gets over stimulated and that can cause some problems. He can get very angry and loud because he does not understand what is going on.

On plus for where he is at now, is that he no longer obsesses over finding his mother, or trying to contact his siblings, now all dead. That seems to be a thing of the past, which diminishes his suffering greatly.

I took him to the Atlanta VA yesterday, the hospital, to see his mental health Doctor. I have no complaints about the VA, they do a very good job, not perfect of course, but all in all the people who work there are very compassionate and caring and processing is usually quick. We are usually in and out in less than two hours, better by far than many regular doctors’ visits.

Most of the people who come up to the Bronze clinic have someone else with them, since it is the geriatric section of the VA. Many have their middle age children with them; some have friends accompanying them, so few are by themselves. It is interesting to see the interaction between them. There is a lot of gentleness and concern from the caregivers and over and over again I see old age as a gift given to the caregivers to bring out their best selves. True, care giving can be very difficult, and if those who give care don’t take care of themselves real trouble can result. However we are called to help one another, and I think this is one of the best examples of how precious life is, and how far we go to take care of those who are helpless. It is a give and take, with benefits for both. The elderly learn to let go of control and allow others to do for them, caregivers learn the importance of simple giving, that it can be very live affirming, and allow growth in ways that are not possible unless one goes through this experience. For instance, if someone has problems with boundaries, taking care of someone can be a very good teacher in that area of life. Lines have to be drawn, self care has to be implemented, and learning to choose ones battles is also a plus. Caregivers learn that some battles are necessary others not, a good lesson to learn that can carry over into other less demanding areas of life. Not to do so can end in some serious problems. For instance, many don’t know that many caregivers can die before their charges, because of the demands and stress that come with the job. Siblings taking care of their parents are probably in the most dangerous situation, very stressful if they are doing in by themselves. People like me who have help, have built in systems to take away that kind of stress. However families often allow one to do most of the care giving, not understanding the burden that causes, or the awful toll that can often be paid. Also caregivers can become possessive of their charges, who won’t allow others to help, then complaining that they are left alone. So it is not a simple problem but very complex and one that needs a great deal of honesty and a good dose of hard headiness in dealing with the problem.

Where I work we have a great team, and we work together to make sure we give good care. I am lucky, my job is one were I have support, and I have learned to take care of myself, otherwise I would have been out of this job long ago.