Purgatory

Purgatory

Purgatory

It is very simple really,
Something so common that no notice need be taken,
Simply put,
He died.

His life was ordinary like so many others,
From outward appearances at least,
Childhood, school, college, marriage, career,
Some tragedy mixed among it all.

It happened fast his demise,
A statistical number he became,
One of the ‘so many’ who die of a certain cause,
Which is unimportant,
He died that is all that is important.

He found himself waiting,
In a place dark but not frightening at all,
Hovering I guess since there was only void,
Dark, peaceful, all alone,
Yet not really,
The soul dimly perceived.

Suddenly he was back,
Reliving each moment of his life,
Seeing it in a way he would never thought possible.
How he treated others,
Lovingly,
Cruelly,
With indifference,
He himself felt as if he were doing it to himself.
Elated and ashamed, horrified at times,
The reliving went on until the day he ended.

Why?
He asked himself in sorrow,
How?
Could I have done some of the things I did?
Also wonder of the love he showed and good accomplished,
Perhaps the greatest wonder of all.

Silence returned,
Conscious without thought,
Only awareness expectant,
Waiting.

Suddenly emotions deep and fearful uncurled and came to life,
Like a serpent rage rose to the surface
He let out a yell that filled his personal void,
The darkness reverberated with its power and pain,
From the depths a fiery darkness flowed out
Like a river out of control this cold fire was consumed by the void.
Endless this rage wanting only to strike out,
To defend itself, hiding the fear beneath and yes much more.
Suddenly the last was expelled and quiet returned,
With a peace unfelt before.

Again without thought the soul now waited,
Expectant and fearful,
Resigned to what perhaps much come.

The ice arose
Fear intense,
Swallowed into the belly of deep fear
Wanting to hide but nowhere to run,
All the fears experienced,
Expelled in one cracking scream
Shattering the calm darkness surrounding it.
Like the fifth ring of hell it was encased
Unmoving, waiting for that which it feared,
It reached a crescendo and suddenly it too was gone.
The soul collapsed so great was the relief when emptied
Fear eaten by the void.

Feeling lighter but still not understanding
Yet knowing that something more would come
It waited now mixed with fear, dread and yes hope.

What came was perhaps the most devastating,
Unexpected even more than the rage and fear
Hidden so long in the depths of the soul,
Perhaps if it knew it would have fled
To where I have no idea since it was nowhere really.
The void has no up or down,
There or here,
The void is everywhere and nowhere,
It simply is.

An ocean arose warm but not inviting,
Sorrow deep,
Intense,
A lifetime of loss,
Injustice,
Tragedy,
Abuse that is the lot of all
Salty tears rung out from the soul
Pouring out from every opening
The wails leaving without an echo
Since in nowhere and nothingness nothing echoes back,
Only consumed absorbed again by the infinite void.
It seemed an eternity for this to finally play out,
The soul surely wanting oblivion to facing this,
Worse than rage,
Deeper than fear more hidden,
Is the deep sorrow that slept too heavy to endure
In the souls life journey.
Then it played out, peace, greater than ever expected remained.

Now empty,
It waited scoured of all that limited it perception of itself,
All barriers gone with the gift of self knowledge,
Unafraid before the void of what it was
And what it became it its journey.
The void pressed in,
The darkness greater,
Will I now end the soul thought unafraid.

When it came,
So gentle was it,
So loving,
The soul at first did not know,
It grew, the light,
For in the soul there was nothing to keep back the flow,
Love then broke through,
The soul suddenly filled,
Yet empty desiring more,
The journey began the void seen for what it was,
Simply infinite love hidden behind self made barriers,
Its purgatory ended it began it journey,
Being filled yet empty for eternity,
Joy unending.