Kidding myself

Kidding myself

I like to kid myself
That my heart is loving
Open to others.
I pray for all,
A least I think I do.
It is when rage comes
Another side of me wells up
That makes me cry out,
“Lord have mercy”.
Loving is not what anger brings,
Nor union,
Not understanding,
But a barrier
To compassion and empathy.

Oh Lord,
When will the time come,
When free my heart will be,
To love,
Forgive,
To fly from my blind egoism,
Easily offended taking affront,
At what others say or do,
Chaining me once again to a cycle of pain,
That only grace freely given will free me.

It is grace,
Your love in fact that leads gently
To that freedom,
Which allows forgiveness to flow,
Like a river, ever new, to sooth the heart,
Restless and self absorbed,
In a prison self created;
To find release and healing,
That leads to a fuller life.