The great difficulty

The inner world that each person has is truly an amazing phenomenon taken for granted; something so obvious and that often does not get much thought or attention.  Yet it is what goes on in the inner universe that leads to the many different interpretation about what is really going on in the world outside, the world looked upon and the illusion that goes with it…… that objectivity is somehow reached in how events and people are weighed and judged.

I lug around with me almost 58 years of experiences, the majority buried deep, sleeping, but the effects of the past still have a powerful influence on how I live my life and interact with others.  There is no such thing as ‘real’ objectivity when it comes to interpersonal communication, there are just too many lenses that are used when looking, listening, or reading….. and those that I meet; are also experiencing reality through their own set of lenses.  I suppose it can be very frustrating for many to think that they are being misunderstood, well they are, but the fact of the matter is, that is the norm most of the time.  It is only when the conversation goes deeper, and the art of seeking to understand and listen reaches it limits, that the light dawns that communication is spotty at best, and for it to be good a great deal of energy is needed by both sides in seeking understanding of the others viewpoint.  Even with that, the desired outcome is often a disappointment.

Intuition and empathy can be very helpful, but intuition can often be wrong, and empathy can be so mixed up with the one empathizing that boundaries are lost, and instead of communication, one is actually incorporated in the others perspective, the viewpoint of the one listening lost. 

 Two people meet for a conversation, both in their fifties, both from diverse backgrounds, and both having difficulty in understanding the others point of view.  Well no wonder, there is over a hundred years of experience between the two, add in projection, transference and things can get really foggy.  Knowing this is not always helpful since it can actually put the one knowing in a disadvantage, since doubt enters into the equation, while the other not understanding, plows on, sure of the rightness and objectivity of his or her stance. 

It can sometimes seem to be that each of us is trapped by our own inwardness, and the illusion of the rightness of it, in how things are seen and understood; can make the isolation complete, at least as far a communication, understanding or simply listening is concerned.  I know that it is not always that grim; bridges are built, people talk all the time, and at times real understanding is reached, but I think this happens less often than is believed. 

It is the heart that wants to be seen, understood and loved.   We are emotional, intuitive beings, who seek to communicate on that level.  Talking and striving to be rational are just ways or tools for the communication to happen, which is often a difficult job, and can be exhausting. 

I suppose that is why people like to sit around and sip wine and talk.  Slowly the wine if used properly, drops inhibitions and allows some level of honesty to come forward, and often people are able to listen, perceive the others viewpoint, speak their own, and both sides can feel listened to.   Then the next day, after the walls go back up, life resumes as usual.  The problem with the above is one good reason that it is best to drink only with good friends, such conversations cannot be planned, and can be harmful at times, and honesty is good with some people and not with others.

 One day a friend asks me what I think heaven is.  I thought about it and after a short time answered:  I think heaven is place where complete communication happens, and people are really seen for who and what they are and loved because of that.  Something far different from what is often experienced in this realm of projections and transferences; which often seem to have the last word, at least it often does with me.