Peace
03.05.06 (11:37 am) [edit] Peace People often speak about having peace in their lives. In fact peace is something that I also seek, and at times I seem to be able to find a balance in my life, that seems to bring a great deal of inner integration. Unfortunately like all my other states, both ‘ negative ’ and ‘ positive ’ they are passing, one emotional state flows naturally into another. One positive aspect of this is that I have slowly learned over the years that if I am just patient enough, the wheel will turn and things will change for the better, that no state no matter how bad or painful will last forever, though at the time I sometimes have to take that on faith. What is thee nature of peace? Well the obvious answer to that inquiry is that it is an absence of conflict, whether inner or outer. I think inner peace is the most important, since without it, peace in my surronding environment would not be helpful, or even last for long if I happen to be in the area; severe conflict within often leads thru projection to conflict with those around me. People who are mentally ill for instance can act in certain ways that can be bothersome to others, but the person lacking the capacity to see another point of view, may be without inner conflict about his or her actions; though they may run into trouble on a regular basis with others. So a peace of sorts comes about when it is always the others problem, and not theirs. Of course people with ‘ personality disorders ’ do the same thing, and are also incapable of seeing another point of view. This is of course not a moral issue since the freedom to choose is either lacking, or so weak, that the human will in the since of being able to make choices, does not enter into the picture. People often know this about mentally ill people, and those with personality disorders, and adapt to them, dealing with them in such a way that their own frustration is limited, since their capabilities are understood and accepted. When insight comes, often suddenly, thru some shock from without, and unlooked for…..is usually when the journey begins. The deepening of self-knowledge, and the desire to become better, to grow and to move into a larger world so to speak, whether it be thru conversion, or simply by way of wanting to live a more productive life; the peace no matter how little that one had before, is disrupted, and the journey of inner conflict begins. The abandonment of a former way of life that is self-centered, to other-centered, brings about a kind of death to the old way do doing things that can often be very painful, and frustrating, both for the one changing, and for those who live with them. As a Christian I am free to do certain things. I am free to love, to treat others as I would like to be treated, to not use others as mere objects. I am not free to steal, hate, cheat, lie, kill another etc. A person, who lives only for his, or herself, is free to pretty much do whatever they want, to get what they want, and this freedom can bring them peace since they would see no need to change, or to perhaps to perceive the world differently. I suppose it is the fruit of the two opposing world views that bring about change in others. The longer a person lives only for themselves for instances, the smaller their world becomes since the number of people they can use and abuse tends to lessen as their lives move on, some learn from this others not. Those that do not learn are often alone without friends in the end, since the ingredients for a real relationship are missing. I am often in conflict since I often have to struggle with the freedom that I am striving for. I still lack integration in some areas of my life, so discipline and suppression are needed tools to help me on my journey. I suppose it is the very struggle that is slowly leading me to the inner freedom that Christ promises, a freedom that I already have but perhaps do not yet experience fully. It is the freedom to love that I try to use as my guiding point, and when I fail I know it; at least much of the time, get up and move forward, making proper amends to those who I have perhaps hurt or misunderstood. I suppose one area in my life that causes me a certain amount of angst is my relationship with authority. I often speak about being objective, but I am beginning to believe that is impossible, since I can only bring my own experience into any given situation, and my interpretation of any one event will flow from that. The conflict comes when I know that my take on any given issue is clouded, the struggle often comes with me trying to keep that before me in any given situation that is stressful. So until this issue is integrated into my life, it will continue to cause conflict, sometimes more and others less, because of my struggle to get more balance in this aspect of my personality. So conflict is a good thing, it means that I am still on the road and my faith is the compass that leads me forward, sometimes slowly at others faster, but no matter how slow or fast, perseverance is needed, the stubborn refusal not to give up. I suppose a lack of conflict would not be a good indicator for me since I am still just beginning my journey. Perhaps I will always be a beginner. I know that not everyone experience life the way I do and my not agree with the above, which is fine, we are all unique and we all have a path to follow that is ours alone, though at points we may be able to cross paths and get glimmers of understanding and compassion. |