Different Styles
02.20.06 (3:32 am) [edit] Sometimes when taking care of the elderly the caregiver has to learn quickly which communication style works for each one. When dementia enters the picture it is even more important. William, for example is becoming more and more forgetful as time goes on, gets his days and nights mixed up, will often not know where he is at, what is coming next etc. Now for him the direct approach works. He will come to me very agitated with a lot of anxiety and some outright fear mixed in. Fear of not finding out what he wants to know, and nameless anxieties of being in a state of knowing something is wrong and not knowing how to protect himself from whatever is coming, something nameless for him when he is that state. I sit him down, get him something to drink; coke is his drug of choice, and we just talk. Since I am one of the caregivers that have been with him the longest, he tends not to forget me, and seems to trust that I will help him and set him straight. One of William’s good points is that he is a transparent personality, he hides nothing, always lets me know were he is coming from, no guess work is necessary, a real plus in helping him with whatever suffering he is going thru. Every time he feels lost, isolated, afraid, it is for him the ‘first’ time, no memory of being in this spot before. So the first thing I tell him is that he has a memory problem, that it is slowly getting worse, but that we will take care of him. This seems to help. Also I tell him that we have had this conversation many times before, even though he will not remember this in a short time. That he will soon start to feel better again, since this is part of the cycle he often finds himself in, also his meds will kick in soon. For him this seems to be what he needs to hear; that it is not the first time seems to comfort him, and that he will not be left alone in the darkness is probably the most important bit of information that he needs to hear. His childlike ways have always been with him, his ability to accept whatever is, something that he must have learned when young, and it is now holding him in good stead. He laughs easily, appreciates everything that is done for him, and best of all, listens. Something that does not just happens, sometimes patients is needed to get thru too him now days. Once he gets excited, the excitement has to be waited out, things need to settle, but then he again is open what ever he needs to be told. The only thing that calms him down, that puts him in a receptive mode is when he feels that he is being taken seriously in his difficulty, and is himself being listened to. The being listened to is the most important ingredient. Now I am not this blunt with everyone, some need humor, others need to be distracted, each is different, but the bottom line, they just want to know that they will not be left alone in the dark and abandoned, left to themselves. No matter the technique used what settles them down is simply being ‘seen’, taken seriously and yes loved. |