Reaching out
01.29.06 (11:57 am) [edit]Yesterday, a friend called me on my cell phone asking me if I could see her for a few minutes, she seemed distressed, so I said that I could see her in 30 minutes in one of our counseling rooms. Her name is Dot (a nickname), and I have been friends with her for about 4 years now, and over that time I have come to respect her very much. She is a very intelligent women, two years younger than me, a grandmother, and also a good writer. She is a very gentle woman, very feminine in the best sense of the word, very easy to talk too and also a good listener. Women to that for me, when with them I seem able to talk on a deeper level, with men it is mostly something we do together, go out, sports etc., but real talking is something hard for me to do. Perhaps Carl Jung is right, women reflect back to us our souls, men on the other hand reflect back our “bull shit”…..joking I think.
So I got over to see her, and I saw at once that she was very upset about something, or perhaps afraid. So we went into one of the counseling rooms and she filled me in on what was bothering her. She has asthma, and it seems to be getting worse, which is a major cause of concern for her. It seems that the day before she had a very bad day, with an asthma attack that forced her to call 911, luckily the fire department got there within 5 minutes and was able to give her immediate help; soon after the ambulance came and rushed her to a nearby hospital. She was lucky that she was able to go home that night. Last time she had an attack she was in the hospital for three days, which is not very pleasant, she hates them.
It is her fear, being alone, with no one near when an attack comes. She felt embarrassed about talking to me about it, calling herself a wimp, but she could not help it. As we talked I shared with her that I also have lung problems, and while my lungs are in better shape than hers, I know what it is like to feel like you can’t get enough air into your lungs. When that happens a cycle of anxiety and fear start which makes the condition worse, and it continues to spiral. For me, since I know that my lungs are not going to shut down, I can for the most part break the cycle and it does not get worse. With her it is a different manner, she has had some bad attacks, so her panic or fear is legitimate and she should be thankful that she has it. Otherwise she would not have called 911. While her emotional response makes the attack worse, even without this reaction it could still be life threatening for her.
Over the years she has told me some about her past, and let me say, that she is anything but a wimp. She has been thru some horrendous experiences; experiences that would have probably broken me, shattered my ego, but she came thru strong and intact, a very gentle kind person. No bitterness with her, just a very kind empathic nature that everyone loves. So I told her that she was not weak, to get over it, she did the right thing.
I made her promise that she would call me if she felt an attack coming one, and if need be I would drive her to the hospital; just use some common sense and don’t wait too long, since for her it could be life threatening. She is also going to get a couple of other people that she can call, that way one would most likely be available if she needed help. Her family lives a couple of hours away, so they are not much help in an extreme emergency.
I think as we get older, we all need more help, and I am glad that she is able to reach out, if not to me to someone else. Men tend not to reach out, I know that I still have trouble doing that, perhaps it is denial for me, but I can be really stoooopid (ibid) about it. Perhaps that is one reason that women live longer than men, they just use more common sense in listening to what their bodies tell them. Over the years I have learned to ignore pain, good most of the time, but there could be a time when it would be very bad, hopefully when the time comes I will know the difference…&hellip ;….yeah stoooopid!!!