Off center
01.18.06 (4:24 pm) [edit]Had a meeting with the director where I work. I suppose the meeting for the most part went well; at least it did until the evaluation of one of the nurses that I work with came up. He brought up some complaints that have been brought up about her, not really serious, now that I look back, but at the time I got it into my head that Mr Director was being a bit hard on her, and also unfair or unjust. One of my weaknesses, a major one I think, even though I have been working on it for as long as I can remember, is that I can be a bit over protective of the ones I work with. I suppose one reason is that no one knows what we have to deal with on a daily basis, nor some of the pressures, that are not obvious at all to those who just drop by once in awhile.
In any case I got a little hot under the collar; ok, I got very hot, and went into defensive mode big time, and thought that I was giving a very rational presentation of how unfair he, the director was being in his observations. Now he knows me, we are good friends, so he listened, and smiled, knowing that I was just blowing my top, it happens at least twice a year with us, so he knows that I will get my feet on the ground soon….. sometimes it is from his end and then it is my turn to be patient.
Well after I finished, he stated that he was not putting full blame on the nurse in question, and that I was over reacting. So I ask the others at the meeting, thinking that it was obvious that I was right on. Well they all looked at me, sort of frowned and said I was over reacting. So I thought about it, my history, my temperament etc., and said, ok I overreacted, and we went on from there. I did apologies after the meeting, and my friend the director said that I always think it is worse that it is, I did overreact but did not come across as strongly as I think I do. I wonder how many times this has to happen before I learn, perhaps never, keeps me humble I guess. I can be a blowhard when I loss it.
I sometimes wish I was not such a fiery personality; volcanic is the term that I sometimes use to describe myself when I get off center. It does get tiring, but I guess in the end I am my own heaviest cross.