Ready if not waiting

One day driving with my dad
I decided to ask him a question.
"Dad", I said
are you afraid of death"?
He was quiet for a while,
and then he said,
son, at my age
the truth is there,
at 78 you can't fool yourself.
I do not want to die,
so much to live for,
children, grand-children,
and now great grand children.
I am not afraid
what is the point.
I enjoy what days I have left
and when death comes
I will be ready
if not waiting.

A year later
dad had a stroke,
and in the hospital.
I talked to Niche,
my step-mom
though mom we called her.
"Mom" I said "what if dad dies ?".
We both know the score, she responded
our age does not lie,
while I do not want him to die,
I am ready for that if it happens.
I am ready,
if not waiting.
I enjoy each day as it comes,
why waste time on worry
when you carry the years like I do.

I was thankful for their answers
it took a weight off of my shoulders
that perhaps didn't need to be there at all.
They are both gone now,
Dad went first,
another stroke,
but on the day he died,
I spoke to him on the phone,
and before he hung up I said
"I love you dad",
and he answered in kind,
I love you son.
Two hours later another stroke
came, and quietly took him.
I am thankful for that day
that I was able to say goodbye
without knowing I was doing it.

Death as I get older
is a constant companion now
my generation is next
but am I afraid to die?
The only answer I have is this.
"The years don't lie,
my time is coming quick,
though it may be decades still away.
When death comes I will be ready
if not waiting.