Communication/listening

Communication/listening

The human condition can be so painful at times, and certain circumstances arise that there seems to be no way out, and all that can be done is to simply let it be, no matter how unfulfilling that may turn out to be.

At my work place there is (or was) an LPN who was a very caring and loving person and who truly wanted to take care of her patients.  Her personality was stellar; she was outgoing and easy to talk to on certain points.  However she did have some personality traits that did come thru, that I knew on some level, would slowly lead to problems in the work place.  For instance she had an interesting way of dealing with other women; she was quick to assert her opinion in any given situation that easily moved into aggression, which was off putting to some of the other females who worked the floor.  I tried to talk to her about it but she either made a joke of it or she thought I was reading too much into the situation.  Since I find women on many levels an enigma I did not know how to further make my point; so I let it go and took a "lets wait and see" attitude.

Then it came to my attention that she was forgetful and was not ready when the next shift came on duty; which caused some other problems.  On floor work it is considered an important duty to have everything done so the next shift can start clean, without having to waste time doing the last shifts work.  Granted sometimes this happens, it goes with the nature of care giving; some days are more chaotic than others and one falls behind; but with this worker it was all the time.  When it was brought to her attention she again tried to make light of it and would not take anything said to her seriously.

Finally the Head Nurse had to write a note to her with a list of her infractions and the list was extensive to say the least.  On one shift (the one written about) there were 18 things left undone at the end of her shift; some minor and some major.  She asked to talk to me and she was very upset and did not understand how the Head Nurse could write such a note to her.  She was crying...... and how the hell do I deal with that (?), and looking to me to support her; in other words she was trying (without really knowing it) to triangulate me with the head nurse.  I told her that the list is pretty long and she should go home, calm down and try to look at the list in a more objective manner and try to work with it.  She asks me why the Head Nurse could not simply talk to her; I replied that she has and was not listened to. I really felt very uncomfortable with this and because of her "vulnerable" emotions I knew that being blunt was not the way to go. 

She called me that night and wanted a meeting with the main supervisor and I told her that it would be better not to do that.  Well she wanted a meeting and got it and the end result was that she was let go of.  She is angry and still does not seem to understand the "why" of the whole matter, nor the fact that she sort of brought her own dismissal down on herself.

I guess I should have been blunter; perhaps I was trying to protect her, but in the end it was for naught.  Also sometimes everyone in a particular situation can have the best of will and still not be able to communicate or come to a satisfactory answer for a particular problem or situation.  For some reason this LPN could not stand to be corrected, which ultimately lead to the very thing she feared most; losing her job.

In my line of work the actual care giving is the easy part, it is in the relationships with co-workers that can be the most trying and in the end draining.  For some reason people come to me when they have a problem since I have a reputation for being objective and not taking sides; the problem being is that they want me in their situation to take their side against the "others" whoever they may be.  I will speak up for anyone whom I feel is being treated unfairly being used as a scapegoat, but those in authority are often right and in that I will support them; we do after all have to demand a certain level of performance from those who work for us.

I suppose it is our underlying "authority issues" that cause a lot of havoc in any work place, were the one in charge has to carry all of those negative projections that we all carry from our past.  For instance my own particular problem with authority is that I tend to think authority "stupid" and it is best to work around them as much as possible.  Now that in itself can cause a lot of trouble if I am not aware of that particular stance towards my superiors.  It can lead to a great deal of trouble for all involved if I do not keep a cap on this and lead me to treat my bosses unfairly. 

Being in charge of others I experience this all the time, but have come to understand that anger does not last and in the end, if I try to be fair to those who work under me, will come around, since they will come to realize that I have their best interest at heart.  Well at least most of the time, sometimes nothing helps and it all comes to a bad end.

I am learning slowly that we each have to learn our own lessons and if we don't, there is nothing that can be done to help.

Peace

Mitch

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