talking to myself

The smile

The smile

Sitting alone drinking her coffee
Serene, her demeanor gentle,
Our eyes meet briefly,
She smiled
Touching my soul.
Did I touch hers?

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Crystal

crystal glass alone
table cloth beneath spread out
filled with light glowing

light flowing outward
or light coming from within
its beauty the same

the light shines on all
allowing beauty to be
all equal before it’s glow

truth born it’s genius
all exposed mercy not there
flaws shown no regard.

light harsh or loving
treated with justice severe
none spared scrutiny

crystal glass alone
imperfections all to see
mercy shows itself

freely is given
received in turn when needed
round and round we go

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Seeing

Seeing

In the 70’s for a while, I got involved in macramé. I remember one day being in a store and seeing a knotted creation hanging on a wall. I was intrigued by the knotting, got a book on the subject, which I spent some time studying. The knotting was easy, and it seemed to give full sway to creativity, so I decided to give it a whirl. I did a few flat pieces to get comfortable with the knotting, very simply really, mathematical actually. I would just make it up as I went and came up with some interesting pieces. Then I tried to do free hanging macramé. I would start with one piece of rope and then build off of it, developing different layers of knotted areas. Then I did bottles for a while, and after about three years stopped. I remember one elderly lady wanting me to do three bottles for her. So I did them, and made some very intricate designs with three colors for each bottle. She insisted on paying for them, so I charged a price, a small one, and delighted she took them, it made me happy that someone enjoyed what I had done.

One of the benefits I discovered after I started macramé was my newly developed appreciation of simple lines. Branches with their curving shapes against the sky, the lines in buildings, and cracks in sidewalks became an unending source of delight for me; they became beautiful where before I did not notice them at all. This has stayed with me, so my interested in knots led me into a whole different world, one in which I saw a bit more broadly.

Lately, a very good friend of my visited me, her name is Kathy and her husbands name is Bill. They are both one of the most interesting couples one would ever want to meet. Bill is one of those very intelligent gents who has an interest in everything, good at it all, happy, gentle, and with a very strong healthy ego, so that working for his wife does not bother him. Yes a very strong intelligent man indeed. I have a deep intuition that he is highly developed spiritually as well.

Cathy is what is called a rain maker. She is a little older than me, yet looks 20 years younger, happy, busy, and wherever she goes there is creativity and energy and yes her famous ice tea that she loves to make. For the past few years she has developed an interest in origami or paper art. On her visit before last she made me a origami box which was very beautiful and I keep it on a shelf, where I on occasion take it down and study it, yes a very beautiful. She was here a few weeks ago and we again talked about paper art, and she showed me some tricks of the trade, also some of the small pieces she made while there. Her grand children also made a few pieces and gave them too me, so they are next to my box. As she was taking out the special colorful paper it occurred to me that after this day I will never look at paper quite the same again. Not just something for writing, but also something to make art out of. Just a few folds and there you have it. A box, rabbit, frog, or perhaps something made up on ones own. So Cathy the rain maker introduced me into a wider world.

I am now trying my hand at haiku and it to is opening up new views of the world for me. I am not yet that good at it, but even if I never get to be a master, it is none the less making me appreciate how full each moment is. A work of art just waiting to be discovered and painted out in just a few words, the whole world is a studio for me, for us all actually, all is needed is to look. The flow is still there, time has not changed, but the moment, each moment, has a depth to it that was not present before I tried out haiku. Perhaps one of the benefits for me getting older is that I am more open to just looking, being, and perhaps expressing.

Music, dance, reading, art and crafts, the love of nature, each of these are doorways into a larger reality. I hope and pray that I never lose my desire to learn more, so that the world will get not only bigger but deeper.

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The gift

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Caress

Caress

Branches spread upward
Wind caressing the leaves
They danced.

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Heard by all

Tears flowed salty,
Lips no longer compressed,
Wailing heard by all
When news came.

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Flawless

Hair flowing loosely down
Flawless skin daring touch
I walked away afraid

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Large cup

Large cup

The large cup on its matching saucer,
Waited,
Its white emptiness expectant,
Desiring to be filled,
To accomplish what it was made for.

Black liquid
Bitter to the taste,
Passively received,
An offering for the one it served.

Emptied,
It was set aside, again.
Only its whiteness remained,
Cleaned;
Longing again to be filled.

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Undone

Undone

One man one women,
Just another day for both,
Unknown to each other,
Just another lonely day,
Then one look,
A smile,
Both became undone.

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His eyes

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His eyes

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Finally

Finally

Dark clouds rolled gently in,
Winds gathered strength,
Heat retreated,
Thirsty ground drank deeply
When the rains finally came.

5 Comments

The cross or the sword?

The Cross or the Sword?

Gregory Boyd's radical approach to faith and politics has taken him where few American pastors have dared to go—and he's got the empty pews to prove it.
By Carla Barnhill

Gregory Boyd Photo Credit: Marcia Erickson

Pastor Gregory Boyd isn't afraid to voice his convictions, even when he knows it will make him unpopular. You might not agree with him, but you feel compelled to hear him out. Take, for example, his latest book, The Myth of a Christian Nation: How the Quest for Political Power Is Destroying the Church (Zondervan). In it, he lays out a vision for life in the kingdom of God that is not only compelling, but quite controversial.

The book is based on a set of sermons Boyd presented to his 5,000-member congregation at Woodland Hills Church in St. Paul, Minnesota, in the fall of 2004. In the months leading up to that year's presidential election, Boyd became increasingly uncomfortable with the pressure he felt to use the pulpit and his pastoral position to steer his congregation in the "right" (i.e., Republican) direction. "It wasn't overt pressure," says Boyd, "but more of a constant urging to get out a specific message. I'd get mailings from different groups, hear it on Christian radio, get the nudge from colleagues and parishioners. I came to the conclusion that I needed to clearly articulate something I'd been thinking about for years: How the kingdom of God is radically different from the kingdom of the world."

The Challenge
So Boyd began a sermon series called "The Cross and the Sword." In it, he encouraged his parishioners to look beyond labels like "Democrat" or "Republican" or even "American" and instead consider what it means to be a follower of Jesus in today's world. Over the course of four weeks, Boyd suggested a radically different way of thinking about issues like political power, war, military service, and government. Boyd's message was that we are to be people of a kingdom where power looks like servanthood, not force, where peace triumphs over might.

On paper, most of us would agree with Boyd's belief that we are to be people of peace. But this view is hard to hold on to when we try to translate it into action. In this age of terrorism, war, and daily violence, it feels necessary to fight back. In a country where we face increased crime, debates about abortion, and the issues surrounding homosexuality, it feels right to stand up against those who promote a lazy moral code.

In The Myth of a Christian Nation, however, Boyd asks us to consider the radical life of Christ and the kingdom He ushered in through His life, death, and resurrection. "The kingdom of God looks and acts like Jesus Christ," he explains. "It looks and acts like Calvary. It looks and acts like God's eternal, triune love. It consists of people graciously embracing others and sacrificing themselves in service to others, whether they be friends or 'enemies.' It consists of people trusting the power of self-sacrificial love to change people's hearts, rather than acquiring power to control people's behavior."

	"So many of us think the church needs to run the nation, but the church just needs to be the church." –Gregory Boyd

The Fallout
While Boyd believed this was a message God had put on his heart, it wasn't received as positively as he had hoped. Though many church members appreciated his radical message, many others didn't. He was called everything from unpatriotic to heretical. Over the next few months, 20 percent of his congregation—some 1,000 people—left Woodland Hills.

Boyd says, "I knew there would be rumblings, but to be honest, I was a bit disappointed by how much of a stir it caused. I think I assumed my congregation was significantly different from churches that buy in to various political agendas, where people don't want to hear disparate ideas. Looking back, I think this was arrogance on my part. I had misread who we were and how far people were willing to go with me."

In the face of this gradual attrition, Boyd's board remained supportive. Still, there was a steep price for the church. The loss of so many people meant the entire budget had to be reworked. As a result, seven staff positions were cut. And, of course, there was the emotional and spiritual fallout.

Still, nearly two years later, Boyd knows he made the only decision he could make. "As a church we have always said that God calls us to plant and to water, but that God alone is responsible for the increase. We should never adjust our message because it might not be popular. Jesus preached and people left (John 6:66). He wasn't shooting for the lowest common denominator to make sure He attracted people. He counted the cost of saying what He needed to say. Over and over, we see Jesus laying His cards on the table, even if it made some people angry. It grieved Jesus, but He never compromised for the sake of a crowd."

Asking the Big Questions
Knowing that Boyd is not afraid to stand apart from the crowd, it's no surprise his journey toward a life of faith took some unusual turns. He grew up Catholic, but by the time he was a teenager, he'd given up on church, started taking drugs, and dabbled in Eastern religions. By his junior year in high school, Boyd was essentially checked out of school, out of religion, out of life.

But then something changed. "I remember we were discussing the play Our Town in my humanities class. Something about the discussion caught my attention, and I—quite uncharacteristically&mdas h;began to passionately participate. After class, my teacher pulled me aside and said, 'Greg, you're a philosopher. You have a knack for seeing things other kids don't see.' She was the first teacher to ever to affirm my potential—and it changed my life. She pointed me toward some philosophy books and I found out I wasn't the only one thinking about the weird things I always thought about. I started reading Kierkegaard and other philosophers asking the big questions about life and meaning and existence.

"I came to know Christ soon after this, but it only took one semester in college as a philosophy major to destroy my newfound faith. I went back to being an atheist. But this time, I was a miserable atheist because I knew there was something else. Eventually, by God's grace, I pieced my faith back together."

That journey showed Boyd that, for him, there are very few definitive answers. "I am too aware of life's complexity and ambiguity," he says, "so I've never been comfortable with the idea that Christianity is a package deal where we have to have everything figured out. For me, that perspective doesn't give God a chance to change me, to move me to new places."

One of the "new places" he's gone came in 2005 when Boyd voluntarily stepped away from the pulpit for two months. "I've had a covenant with the congregation that I would always be honest with them. Over a period of time, I completely bottomed out. I just didn't feel like I had anything to say to the church." So one Sunday, he stood before the congregation and told them as much.

"Whenever you're the leader of a group, there's a pressure to conform. Over a period of time, the group doesn't want you to change, but you do change. You need to step out of the stream every now and then to know what's real in your life, to know what's true. You have to get rid of all the ulterior motives. I honestly didn't know if I was going to come back."

But he did come back, and he remains committed to following the Holy Spirit, even to uncomfortable places.

Kingdom Vision
Boyd readily admits the message of The Myth of a Christian Nation is a tricky one to deliver in today's polarized political culture. "It seems that many American Christians think it's their job to come up with the Christian way of resolving political issues," he says. "So many of us think the church needs to run the nation, but the church just needs to be the church. Our only job is to be Jesus to the world. I want people to get a vision for the beauty of the unique kingdom of God. I believe the clearer you see the kingdom, the less trust you put in politics."

The solution, says Boyd, is for us to recapture the mind and heart of Christ, and to move "beyond the stalemates and tit-for-tat conflicts that characterize the kingdom of the world."

He says, "The picture I get of God's kingdom is of people—tax collectors, prostitutes, fishermen—following Jesus. If we understood that our one job is to replicate the outrageous humility of Calvary, I think we'd begin to see the world in a different way. Instead of other people being our enemies, we would see them as the very people we are called to serve."

Boyd believes the unity of Christ's body should be strong enough to encompass the differences we often deal with as Christians. "I know I have to be open and humble to correction," he adds. "I know I have to be willing to take objections seriously and prayerfully consider the validity of what I say. But I also know that it is better for me to lose my position or my popularity than to ignore God's leading. We are only free if Christ alone is our life."

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Spoken

Spoken

The word was spoken
In pain the words uttered
Fueled by anger
The bow let and it flew.
Target found embedded
What was once was is now no more
Chasm deep where once there was none
Only mercy the cure.

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Memories