One thing often forgotten

11.29.05 (12:34 am)   [edit]

In our lives that seem so common place
One thing often forgotten,
Though in fact lived by many,
Is never to give in to what is easy,
To keep hope when all seems hopeless,
To simply do ones duty in quiet faith,
Unnoticed by others perhaps overlooked;
Since the heart unseen by others,
With its courage and faithfulness,
Often taken for granted by others,
Is not seen, nor the inner struggle understood.
It is easy to give in to bitterness,
No problem at all,
The heaviness of life if allowed
Can drag us under into the quiet waters of despair,
Where struggle seems worthless, why bother,
We tell ourselves,
What is the use!
We are called to be more than that,
To move forward thru the chaos and pain,
Perhaps falling and then getting up.
Being too stubborn
to allow the obvious
To lead us,
such is the nature of faith,
And the love of God,
Which calls and leads us
Down the seemingly dark road
That at times seems to lead nowhere.
We are called to take one step then another;
Until the day when all will be made clear,
When our burdens will be understood
In the light of eternal love,
A love not soft but at times hard
Since it is stronger than death


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\'God Speaks to Each Person in Their Own Language\'

11.28.05 (9:39 am)   [edit]

I don't always agree with everything Huston Smith writes about, but he is one of my favorite authors in his field.  The review below is very interesting and sane, a rare commodity in the religous world at times.


Peace
mitch


God Speaks to Each Person in Their Own Language'



Famed scholar Huston Smith on why different cultures have different faiths--and what they have in common. 
 
Interview by Wendy Schuman 
 Frail at 86, suffering from severe osteoporosis and hearing loss, Huston Smith, the nation's preeminent authority on world religions, nevertheless embarked on his recent national book tour alone. He invited his Beliefnet interviewer to sit close so he could read her lips. With a beatific smile, he introduced himself with a warm, “Hello, I’m Huston.”


Smith, author of "The World's Religions," a best-seller still used in many college classrooms, has taken an experiential approach to studying world religions, training in a Zen Buddhist monastery in Japan, studying with a Sufi mystic in Iran, and spending a sabbatical in Tibet. He dug deeply into Judaism when his daughter married a Jew and converted. Time magazine has called him a “spiritual surfer.” "Christianity has always been my religious meal," Smith has said. "But I'm a great believer in vitamin supplements." His latest book, “The Soul of Christianity,” brings him home to his lifelong faith.


What is your favorite prayer?


Well, it shifts in different stages. But in the last two years I do have a favorite and it is the Jesus prayer. It is the one in “The Way of a Pilgrim.” You know the book? And it is in J.D. Salinger’s book.


Yes, Franny and Zooey.


The short version which I use is, “Oh Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me.” And that’s become a kind of a mantra to me. And especially during times of--ordeal would be too strong--but special. I’ll just say special. This trip is a good example of that--it’s like a mantra that I’ve been saying over and over again. We are in good hands. And in gratitude for that fact we should bear one another’s burden.
 
How do you think religions differ, and what do they have in common?


Walnuts have a shell, and they have a kernel. Religions are the same. They have an essence, but then they have a protective coating. This is not the only way to put it. But it’s my way. So the kernels are the same. However, the shells are different. Necessarily so, because I believe that all of the eight historically important and enduring religions are divinely revealed. But we have a diverse world and different civilizations. God has to speak to each person in their own language, in their own idioms. Take Spanish, Chinese. You can express the same thought, but to different people you have to use a different language. It’s the same in religion.


Depending on the context, the time in history?


Well, let me come back to civilization. It is commonly said and known that each civilization has its own religion. Now my claim is that if we look deeper, the different civilizations were brought into being by the different revelations. I really believe that.


For example the revelation to Buddha.


And to the Hindus, and to the Jews, and to the Christians, and Native Americans. I mean we have to fiddle a little with words because they wouldn’t call themselves civilization, but, say, a world or something.


So the eight that you’re speaking of are …


The ones in my book [“The World’s Religions”]--Hinduism, Buddhism, Confucianism, Daoism, Islam, Judaism, Christianity, and the Native American. Now there’s one thing that’s misleading, and that is to separate Confucianism and Daoism. Right now I’m working on a project which would speak of the East Asian religious complex. There’s one religion that has three strands--Confucianism, Daoism, and East Asian Buddhism. And so if I had it to do over again, I would not have separate chapters on Confucianism and Daoism.


Who do you think Jesus was? Was he another charismatic Jewish healer? Who are these people to whom religion, to whom God is revealed?


He was God incarnate. He was Christ. He was God in human form. That would be my succinct answer.


How does he compare with Buddha or other religious figures who receive revelation?


These religions–-though essentially the kernel is the same--the shell is not the same. They’re not carbon copies of each other. So Buddha did not claim that he was divine. But he serves the same role in Buddhism as Christ does in Christianity, and as the Qur’an does in Islam.


Not Muhammad, but the book?


There is a saying in religious scholarship if Christ was God made flesh--in Islam, the Qur’an is Allah made book.


Do you think it matters what religion we practice?


Matters in what sense? I think it matters almost infinitely that we practice one of the authentic religions. But if you mean does it make any difference which. The answer is no, as long as each is followed with equal intensity, sincerity, dedication.


What is an authentic religion?
 
 
When you say authentic, are there some religions that are not authentic? What do you mean by authentic?


Revealed by God as proven by their impact on human history. I have studied [other religions], and I am certain they have not made impact on this earth.


Is it always a good impact in the sense of helping people live better lives?


In the sense of realizing their full potential.



In your book you seem critical of the scientific mentality.


No, wrong. I am critical of modernity giving science and technology a blank check as if it were the fountain of all truth. That is not true. And I think I may have introduced a word which has now caught on quite a bit, scientism. Science is good. It simply reports a discovery. Scientism smuggles in two untenable points. Namely, that science is, if not the only reliable, then the most reliable [way of knowing]. And second, that the stuff that science deals with, matter, is the most fundamental stuff of the universe. Those are not scientific statements. There is nothing in the way of science to prove they’re true. And truth to tell, they are both wrong. So I am not against genuine science. I think scientism may come close to doing us in, but I think we’re in the nick of time discovering the mistake. Our culture will be opening out to allow the religious worldview to enter.


When I think of the religious worldview, I can’t help thinking of fundamentalists and evangelicals. Is that the religious worldview that you’re speaking of?


I think we’re polarized. We are hamstrung between an unworkable, dogmatic, uncharitable religious fundamentalism, and the liberalism, mainline churches that are losing membership disastrously. The reason being that they are accommodating too much to modern secularism.


What do you mean by accommodating to modern secularism?


To enter seminaries you have to have a university degree. The universities are secular to the core. And it’s inevitable that the professors in seminary will have been-–I’m going to use violent language--brainwashed by the university, which is unequivocally secular. So the secularism of the university rubs off on seminary professors. And then ministers, pastors, must in the mainline churches, most have a seminary degree. So you can just see the secularism of our culture is infiltrating. The mainline churches, they adhere to the language [of faith]. But the adherent does not have the power, the force of the unbrainwashed Christian.


Can you give me an example of what you’re talking about?


Well, let me come home. My heritage is Methodist, from my missionary parents [who raised me in rural China]. When I came to this country I went to a religious college. But when I went to graduate school--one year was at University of California at Berkeley. And being a Christian Methodist, I went to Trinity Methodist Church. Seated 800, always filled, standing room only. And then I went East, had a career. Now I’m back at that same church. The church has sold the sanctuary, which is divided into I don’t know how many floors and office buildings. And our congregation meets in the chapel. And we have under a hundred people on an average Sunday. And we’re still losing ground. Something has gone out of the dynamic of mainline.


How do you see religion helping us in the future? And what do you hope for your own children and grandchildren.


One of my favorite quotations from the Bible is “I am neither a prophet, nor the son of a prophet.” I don’t know what’s going to happen. But the best I can say is, if we pull out of our scary political situation, then the world is wide open in the West and we live in a Westernizing world. What happens here is going to eventually happen around the world. We live in a time when secularism is over.


Archibald MacLeish said, “An age ends when its metaphor dies.” And the metaphor of modernity has been endless progress through endless technology. And that is dead.


Is there a new metaphor that includes religion or spirituality?


Oh yes, because we’re religious creatures. And the new metaphor will give every ounce of our strength to compassion. And help not just our own people, but everyone.


Do you think that religious phenomena, like the virgin birth, are symbolic or literal?


Symbolic. [Just as] science can access the very small and the unimaginably large with their special language, which is mathematics and equations, we in religion need a technical language to describe sacred things. And this [language] is myth, poetry, parable. Jesus spoke to them in parables. And so everything that transpires in that infinite world of the divine must be expressed metaphorically, not literally.


So when we talk of the virgin birth, it resonates with something in us about purity, about divinity.


No, no, don’t try to say it. In ordinary language it won’t work. Something happened. Something happened. And I sincerely believe it really happened. And it was really vital, crucial to Christ. But don’t try to psych it out in ordinary language. Go at it in terms of symbols, which stretch our understanding from the finite to the infinite.


 

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Amida Buddha Monastery

11.27.05 (4:36 pm)   [edit]

While in Vancouver, I went with my sister, Judy, and my brother-in-law Roger to a Buddhist temple of the Amida Buddha, or pure land branch.  The temple when first seen is very impressive, built along a traditional style, large and beautiful.  When you first enter you go thru a short entrance and come out into a very large courtyard, the center of the courtyard being empty, but right of center is a very large stature of Kwan Yin, the Buddhist goddess of love and compassion.  Being catholic, the stature for me resembles the Virgin Mary, who is also considered our Mother full of compassion and love for mankind, leading us all to her son Jesus Christ.  On one side of the courtyard, there is a welcome center, staffed by Buddhist nuns and is stocked with books, tapes and some prayer beads, the kind that fit the wrist, of which I got me one.  I also got a book that did not have a price on it; all they asked for is a donation, which I gladly gave in the box set up for that purpose. 


 The monastery was Chinese, and most of the people visiting there were also of that nationality, who seemed to be there for religious devotional reasons.  They would go up to the stature of Kwan Yin and bow, then put some incense into a large vase filled with sand; I suppose it is like the prayer candles that Catholics light in front of the Madonna when paying a visit.


 The lay people were very reserved and did not try to relate to us in anyway, no eye contact, I think we were ignored, not in any rude sense; they just seemed insular, within themselves, and sticking with their own.  The nuns were different, very open, loving and more than willing to answer any questions; they also spoke good English.  I felt very comfortable with them, and was sorry that I could not have talked with them more, but time would not allow it; we had a dinner date with Roger’s family.  There was a serenity that flowed from them, a presence that is not often seen in people.


 I heard a chant being sent over the public address system and asked one of the nuns what it meant.  She told me that in “Pure Land” Buddhism they would chant the name of “Amida Buddha”, believed to be the reincarnation of Buddha, the founder of Buddhism.  By chanting Amida’s name, one would find enlightenment and be reborn in the “pure land”; sounds more like heaven than Nirvana.  However I believe it is hard for westerners to understand the language used by Eastern religions and it leads to some misunderstandings, which is I guess is inevitable.


 We went up to the Buddha hall, on the second floor of the Monastery and were present for a “practice” service.  The temple was very large, with long rows of black cushions on the floor, with small cushions in between; these were used to place on the long cushions and were used as seats.  In front of us were about twenty nuns, sitting, and following along with the chanting coming over the speakers. The chanting was beautiful and repetitious.  This kind of prayer can be very helpful if one stays peacefully aware of the words, I suppose the Jesus prayer is something like it, and this form of prayer is something I have been using for many years. 


 They had a large dinning room were meals are served to the laity on special holy days, and also festivals.  I got this information from a DVD that Roger very thoughtfully got for me.  The DVD also told me that the monks and nuns spent their lives seeking to free all sentient beings from suffering, seeking to help them on to enlightenment.  They have a ceremony every night in which they offer up all their merits for this purpose, keeping nothing for themselves.  Such selflessness is remarkable, and I was deeply touched by it.


It seems to be to be a Christ like love for others, something many can relate to, even if an actual understanding is difficult due to cultural differences to understand how it works. 


 I was very impressed with the place, and hopefully the next time I am up there I will be able to visit when a festival is going on.  The food on the DVD looked delicious and healthy.  Oh yes, it was raining, lucky I love rain.


Peace


Mitch

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The road

11.27.05 (3:42 am)   [edit]

The road we travel can seem endless at times,


But as the years flow,


The days speed by,


We sense how little time we really have.


Our lives are short


No matter how long we live.


 


We all have burdens.


Life cannot be escaped.


Nor the pain that comes with it.


The suffering that forms us;


Making us strong, or breaking us,


Deepening our faith or becoming bitter


 


There is no easy answer,


No quick fix.


Faith’s road can seem dark,


As the cold moves in,


Relief for some never coming


And only weariness remains.


 


We all must drink the chalice


Of the wine life offers us.


To grow or not,


To believe or not,


To love or not,


Is the arena we struggle and fight in.


 


No matter how things look or feel


No matter what our emotions tell us


No matter how cold and dark it seems


The light of the One dwells in the depths


Of each heart


Were joy dwells hidden yet real!

2 Comments

The god Moloch

11.26.05 (8:18 am)   [edit]
I saw the creature one night
Majestic on the mountain he stood
With golden fur that simmered
Reflecting the moon light
Strong and sure…..

A lion I thought
Until I look more intently
And saw truly this was something new,
That I have never seen before,
And fervently hope never to see again
while in my mortal coil

The body of a lion he had
Well muscled,
Powerful, and arrogant he stood,
With large horns strutting out sharp and mean
From his proud fur laced head.

The horns were black from dry blood
Seemingly recently shed,
With eyes red
With the desire for revenge,
That made him look quite mad.

It had powerful paws,
With eagle talons perfectly mounted,
That would tear its prey to shreds,
A death slow surely for the victim
That needed not to be dead.

It had fangs like a snake
Dripping poison acid.
That destroyed anything
That it contacted.
Leaving only ruin behind.

And large leather wings of a bat.
Long and powerful.
Making flight
Easy and sure.
Than none could hide from or escape

It had a large phallus between its legs
That would put horses to shame,
Constantly erect, and ready for action,
And victims which are plenty
For rape is its favorite sport

It looked at me and said in a human voice
Truly horrible to hear
I am the creature of
War, pillage, rape and fear,
Made in the likeness of man,
For Moloch is my name, whom mankind adores.




2 Comments

The Eternal Embrace

11.26.05 (12:27 am)   [edit]

I sometimes think that I am a fake,


And everybody is fooled,


That what they see is not what they get,


Though they might think this is so.


For I am aware of things that are wrong,


That is hid from everyone’s sight,


Buried deep and hidden


Like an inverse treasure,


A worthless find,


Of moth eaten baubles,


Buried deep in the ground,


With no map in sight….


But there is One who sees,


And is not fooled,


And my judge that One will be.


Who understands all,


Sees all,


Whose judgments


Are fair and clean….


Who has manifested to the world


His Lordship, and Kingship


Revealed for all to see,


Whose justice and love is one


From which no one is free.


Not based on revenge


Or the desire to harm


But our freedom the One respects.


To allow us to go the road we have chosen,


For such is the nature of love.


Mercy is offered and love as well,


All we need do is accept,


And the most loving of Fathers


Will swoop us up


In healing and love


In an eternal embrace,


In an intensity


That even eternity will not erase,


From the astonished joy


That fills those who


Find this to be so.


 


 


 

5 Comments

A peaceful shift

11.25.05 (11:40 am)   [edit]

Worked the 3-11pm shift last night; of all the shifts I suppose it is the best, things are quiet, and the routine is pretty much set.  Getting everyone ready for the 4PM mass, that we have everyday here is my first priority, then getting supper ready that has already been prepared.  All I need to do is put the meal on plates, set the table, and prepare the medicines.  Supper here is very simple, usually some sort of sandwich with fruit or applesauce on the side with a beverage.  Most eat a very light supper, after that, clean teeth, and get everyone ready for bed. 


 


Bob takes a little longer than the others.  He eats slower, and after that I need to brush his teeth for him, and then do his nebuliser treatment.  He used to use inhalers, but we never knew if he was inhaling enough for them to be really useful.  After starting the nebuliser, a few weeks ago, we see an improvement.  It takes about 15 minutes, in which he has to breathe slowly, and deeply, the moist air laced with the medicine.  Then do his toilet, change him and get him into his bed.  Bob has a great sense of humor so we both do a lot of teasing when working together.  He has to be checked every two hours thru out the night, just like half of those in our facility.


 


Edmund is a trip, one of my favorites, who for the most part is very pleasant to work with.  One problem he is having is his short term memory, which seems to be about six seconds long.  It can often make for some humorous interaction, which is often not very pleasant for him or humorous.  Edmund vision is very poor, we think that all he sees is pen pointed in front of him.  For instance he will see something on the floor and go over and pick it up, but is peripheral vision is gone.  So he often gets lost in his ramblings and sometimes gets himself into situation that might prove dangerous for him.  So we put dutch doors for his room, and put an outside lock on it.  That way if he is napping, those on duty can go about their duties and not worry about him getting into something that he shouldn’t.  We often look in to see if everything is all right.  So when he is up and alert, we bring him out and bring him to the main room were we can watch him.  While there he will often spend a great deal of time listening to music and saying his Rosary. 


 


Last night I went into his room, found him up, so put him on the toilet and was waiting for him to finish when Philip called me.  I went down, talked to him a bit, and put on some music, and then went back to Edmund’s room.  When I got there he was making a bee line for his door, and when I asked him what the matter (?) was,  he responded by complaining that we locked him in his room.  So I sat down with him and explained why we did it, for his safety, and that we always bring him down to the main room when he wants to get up and about.  We have had this discussion at least a hundred times, but he forgets quickly, but he always comes around until the next time.  It must be hard to lose ones short term memory, but thank God his long term is still intact, and music is often the best way to reach him, another is to talk with him about the old days.  He loves to talk about the 2nd world war in which he participated.  “Home alive in 45” is something that he will say when he is reliving some memory from those days.  Also his love of Billy Holiday comes from the era.  I guess he was a jazz lover when he was young.  Though I am getting a tad tired of “Summer time”; a song that he loves to listen to, over and over and over again, however it is worth listening too since it seems to bring him a great deal of peace.


 


Everybody else had a peaceful night, so it was a very pleasant shift to be on.


 


Peace


Mitch


 

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Vatican wrestles with \'intelligent design\'

11.25.05 (6:44 am)   [edit]
Vatican wrestles with 'intelligent design'
Interpretation is source of debate
BY STACY MEICHTRY
Religion News Service

VATICAN CITY — Ever since the Roman inquisition condemned Galileo for observing that the Earth revolved around the sun, the Vatican has held back from making sweeping challenges to scientific thought for fear of overstepping its bounds.

So it's understandable that Pope Benedict XVI raised eyebrows when he recently described the universe as an "intelligent project that is the cosmos." Not only did he echo the language of the intelligent design movement, he also waded into a controversy that has blurred the boundaries between faith and science in the United States and beyond.

The debate echoing through Vatican corridors these days, however, is whether the pope has given the Catholic Church's tacit support to intelligent design advocates and their ongoing campaign to debunk Charles Darwin's theory of evolution.

"These allusions are fine, but I hope the pope doesn't take a stand," the Rev. George Coyne, director of the Vatican Observatory, said in an interview.

Coyne, an astronomer and outspoken critic of intelligent design, said that Benedict "doesn't have the slightest idea of what intelligent design means in the U.S."

"Intelligent design in America is not science. It's a religious movement," he said.

But it is unclear if the Vatican's theological ranks share Coyne's criticisms.

In staunchly defending the scientific merits of evolution, Coyne has frequently crossed swords with Austrian Cardinal Christoph Schonborn, a former protege of Benedict and a prominent member of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

Schonborn has widely indicated he agrees with the intelligent design argument that life is too complex to have merely evolved through natural selection.

In an interview with Reuters published Sunday, Schonborn said state schools in Austria should permit science classes to mention the "intelligent project that is the cosmos," echoing Benedict's remarks.

"What I would like to see in schools is a critical and open spirit, in a positive sense, so we don't make a dogma out of the theory of evolution, but we say it is a theory that has a lot going for it but has no answers for some questions," Schonborn was quoted as saying.

Schonborn, who sits on the Vatican's Congregation for Catholic Education, has said there are no plans to issue guidelines adding intelligent design to the curriculum at Catholic schools and universities.

But the cardinal has played a crucial role in introducing the intelligent design debate into Vatican discourse.

Last July, the Seattle-based Discovery Institute, an intelligent design think tank, collaborated with Schonborn on an Op-Ed piece in the New York Times that rebuffed as "rather vague and unimportant" remarks by John Paul II in 1996 that called evolution "more than a hypothesis."

The article also underscored the presence of "purpose and design in the natural world" and stated that Catholic teaching was "incompatible" with evolution "in the neo-Darwinian sense: an unguided, unplanned process of random variation and natural selection."

Schonborn's attack on "unguided" evolution appeared to resonate in Benedict's remarks on creation, which came in early November, one day after the Kansas Board of Education voted to adopt new standards that cast doubt on evolution.

"How many people are there today who, fooled by atheism, think and try and demonstrate that it would be scientific to think that everything is without direction and order?" Benedict said.

According to Coyne, these remarks do not indicate that Benedict believes in a designer God that is constantly "tinkering with the universe."

"He doesn't explain much of the science, but his reflections make it clear that he understands the universe is by its fundamental nature evolutionary," Coyne said.

Coyne and other prominent Catholic scientists, including Nicola Cabibbo, president of the Pontifical Academy of Sciences, have dismissed Schonborn's criticism of "unguided" evolution as simply misguided.

They note that evolution is still compatible with religious conviction even though it functions according to laws that are random and directionless.

As head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, the then-Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger approved the 2004 document "Communion and Stewardship," which argues that "true contingency," or unpredictable events subject to chance, "is not incompatible with a purposeful divine providence."

The paper also noted that the debate between evolution and intelligent design "cannot be settled by theology."

Schonborn has gone to great lengths to explain that his criticism of "neo-Darwinism" is not a challenge to science itself but an expression of deep concern felt by him and the pope over the spread of materialism, which claims that no reality exists beyond matter.

According to the Vatican, such views exceed the competence of scientific thought.

In early November, Schonborn's archdiocese released remarks from a lecture he delivered in October at St. Stephen's Cathedral in Vienna, announcing plans to make "creation and evolution" the theme of his upcoming catechetical talks.

Citing persistent "border violations" between the worlds of science and faith, Schonborn quoted Sir Julian Huxley who in 1959 wrote that "the evolutionary pattern of thought" leaves no "need or room for the supernatural."

"I am convinced that this is not a claim within the realm of the natural sciences, but rather the expression of a worldview," Schonborn concluded.

Mending relations between science and religion was the focus of a recent international conference held at the Vatican. Speaking to reporters, Cardinal Paul Poupard, head of the Pontifical Council for Culture, found himself inundated by questions related to intelligent design.

"The faithful have the obligation to listen to that which secular modern science has to offer just as we ask that knowledge of the faith be taken in consideration as an expert voice," Poupard said.






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A doctor probes the how and why of mystical experience

11.24.05 (5:50 pm)   [edit]
A doctor probes the how and why of mystical experience

BY WILL MEECHAM

Five years ago my life fell apart. To explain it briefly, illness forced me from my career as a surgeon, and I found myself living in a new city that was quite different from my home in San Francisco. Other large problems added to these stressors. I remember telling a friend about my “infinite tolerance for stress,” since I seemed to be doing so well despite massive life changes. Talk about hubris!

A few weeks later I was hospitalized for a major mental breakdown, and I stayed there for a month. You might think this was a horrible time, and you’d be right. But in the midst of it all I found a pearl of the Divine. God literally touched me. One night I was in abject despair, and praying to a God I didn’t really believe in. I was just so desperate for help that I prayed, “God, you have to exist, you have to help me, or I can’t go on.” I repeated this over and over all night long.

When morning arrived, a whole series of fantastic coincidences and visions occurred around me. This went on for days, but at the most profound moment, my eyes opened up to a shimmering window of light, and a penetrating calm swept over me, leaving me awed and at complete peace. I knew that God was there. God existed, God cared, and I was going to make it through these hard times.

What about my objectivity as a physician? What would I say about a psychiatric patient who announced such experiences? I realize now, though it didn’t occur to me then, that I was experiencing the classic symptoms of a temporal lobe seizure. Hyper-religiosity, ideas that even the most mundane things hold important, vital meaning and feelings of deep and spiritual calm are all hallmarks of this brain condition. The disturbed brain waves during such an event can be measured objectively. This is something that does not require forces outside the mind. Or does it?

How do we know when God is working in our lives? I suppose the answer to that is unique to each person. We all look at the world in a certain way, and look for the Divine in a manner that matches our disposition, beliefs, upbringing and so on. Some people look for fortuitous coincidences, some focus on the circle of love around them, some find God through deep prayer and meditation. No doubt the Divine can manifest in many ways. Can God, then, come to a person through a disordered brain? Mystics and spiritual leaders throughout history have described experiences that sound a lot like my visions. What happened to St. Paul when he was struck on the road to Damascus? Was his brain normal at that moment? What is normal?

The advances in knowledge about the brain make it easy to ascribe all mental states to patterns of neuronal activity. Conditions that might once have been interpreted as matters of faith are now explainable and reparable in material ways. Depressed? There may be a disorder in serotonin modulation. Is your child too dreamy? Maybe we can fix that with Ritalin. God manifests before you? There must be a problem in your temporal lobe. What does this do to our concept of the Divine? Is there a place for the Spirit separate from the ceaseless electrical activity in the brain?

These are questions I have asked myself ever since I was struck down and then lifted up. Following my visions, my faith in God was absolute. I had no doubts whatsoever. I went from a state of studied agnosticism to complete surrender to the Divine. My gratitude for these gifts was all-consuming. I felt unworthy of such grace. I felt like a reflection of St. Thomas since I needed God to appear concretely before my own eyes in order to believe. The Almighty did appear. I was blessed.

Sadly, or predictably, over time my conviction wavered. The questions started crowding in. I wish I could report that my spirituality remained deep and abiding. I would like to tell you that I am now able to guide others who are searching for God. I have not been that strong. Doubts sometimes trouble me, and despair is no stranger. It is all too easy to write off my experiences to messed up brain chemistry. But on the deepest level, I know that within me there is the seed of something grand and all-powerful. I admit that this seed may only reflect a briefly disordered mind, but I’ll take my chances.

So what have I done since those odd and powerful days? Have I grown at all as a person? I suppose you’d have to ask my wife and circle of friends. The direct fruit of my passage through this profound period was my conversion to Catholicism. My wife, a lifelong Catholic, elicited a commitment to Jesus during the time of greatest confusion, when I was convulsed with God’s love and aching for direction. I kept to that promise, and within a year went through the catechumenate program, and took my first holy Communion during Easter of 2001. My resulting relationship with Christ has given the trials of five years ago inexpressible importance. My life fell apart, but when it came back together I was in the company of God.

Will Meecham is a physician in Novato, Calif.

National Catholic Reporter, November 25, 2005
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There are times

11.24.05 (6:55 am)   [edit]

There are times when the Lord draws near,


Lifting me up,


Encouraging me to again run the race


That has run down or stopped.


 


Life is like that,


We can wear out a times


With the struggle,


That perhaps is unnecessary.


 


It is true I think


That I am my heaviest cross


Burdened by my subjectivity


Imprisoned by my own past.


 


Lost in a hall mirrors,


Overwhelmed by the reflection


Shown me


In the faces of others.


 


Until I understand


That what I think of others,


Or judge them harshly,


Is merely a reflection of my unknown self.


 


A reflection I don’t want to see,


In my vanity inflated,


For it is easier


To cast blame than to accept myself.


 


Though I am slowly learning,


That I am accepted in God’s love,


So the hiding is unnecessary


To protect my fragile self image.


 


A price heavy to pay,


Days spent in anger


Defending my own image,


From the encroachment of truth.


 


That mercilessly pounds on the walls


Leaving me no rest


Till I surrender to the truth


That others have to give me.


 


At times it seems


The Lord has pity on me,


And visits in a way felt


If not always understood.


 


Then for awhile I am refreshed


Hopefully learning from my past


Being more open to the Spirit


That groans within me.


 


I supposed this will continue


Until the day


When called home


And all will be made known


 


Then freedom unknown


But desired by me


And perhaps all men and women


Almost too good to be true, will be experienced.


 


 


 

3 Comments

The obscure way

11.22.05 (7:16 am)   [edit]
No evidence is ever enough,
though God's work is easily seen,
by those who have the faith to understand.
Perspective is everything
it both limits, and expands
understanding, both at the same time;
dictating the road traveled.
Inner experience cannot be seen
nor is it capable of sharing
except by the fruits that grows from the seed
planted there by grace.
A choice is needed to begin the journey
to make the first step to wards grace,
that grace inspired indeed.
We take one shaky step
God takes a thousand,
to lift us from the void
of unbelief, and fear.
Faith is like a flame,
kept alive by the fuel
of perseverance,
prayer, and trust.
Things get dark
the way obscure
the step before us hidden,
but secure in our faith
beyond feelings, emotions and sentiment,
stripped of our idol's,
we move deeper into the mystery,
into the God wholly other,
but within whom we live
and move
and have our being.

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Ancestors

11.21.05 (11:43 pm)   [edit]
When I sit and am quiet,
My ancestors come to mind.
Not just recent,
Since I am thinking out side of time,
But to all no matter how far back;
I feel connected to,
And offer a prayer
For healing to flow freely,
And for love to arise from the roots,
Of the family tree,
Of which I am one of the youngest.
In that progression seemingly infinite
That will continue long after I am gone
From this mortal world,
 That is filled with joy, strife, love, and suffering…..
I am in union
With my line
As they are one with me,
In God's sight,
One family, united by our common link
As yet unbroken.

2 Comments

Bill Reams

11.21.05 (7:38 am)   [edit]

Bill Reams


 


Bill Reams died at the age of 64 on the 30 of Oct of this year.  His death was not exactly unexpected, it just came sooner than what I thought; of course I am usually wrong in predicting someone’s passing no matter what their condition is.


 


On the morning of the 29th, Bill collapsed in one of our bathrooms, and was too weak to get up on his own, so he had to be helped into a wheelchair and taken to one of the rooms we had available.  His fatigue had been brothering him for quite a while, and even though we took him to his doctor; something he would only allow us to do when things got really bad for him, and he became desperate, it did not help very much.  The doctor ordered a blood transfusion; three pints to be exact, but after all that he was not much better.  For those who have suffered from fatigue, or suffering from it now; know how debilitating it is.  No matter what is done to seek relief, laying down, sleeping or just sitting, nothing helps to relieve it.  He would tell me how awful it was and was desperate for some relief.  He told me a couple of weeks before he died that his day was spent going from one resting place to another, one place to sit to another, and so it went.  He could not read, nor pray, but only just be, exist in the fog of his deep feeling of fatigue.


 


After we got Bill settled in his room, and put him to bed, I sat down to have a talk with him.  I first told him that for a few hours we were going to keep his bed rails up, after that hopefully after some rest, he would be able to get to the bathroom on his own.  It turned out that even after the rest he could not go on his own, so we put some briefs on him.


 


Now Bill had been adamant that he did not want anything done for him to forestall his death, that he really wanted to simply let go of life and go home to the Father.  He had two serious illnesses, one that came on recent, three years before his death.  He was diagnosed with Leukemia, chronic Leukemia, and even though the Doctor told him that treatment was available he declined it.  He also suffered from Paranoid Schizophrenia; it came on in his late twenties, which caused him a great deal of suffering.  He once told me that for him time moved very slowly.  This statement moved me, since the only thing worse than time racing by, which is the experience of most of us, is when time crawls.


He also had trouble relating to others and was often isolated from the community, so all we could do was support him the best we could from afar, with our prayers, and being open to him during those times when he seemed more able to relate.  In any case this last disease caused him so much suffering that he simply wanted to let go and move on.


 


The reason I wanted to talk with him is that I understood what he wanted but was worried about some complications if I had to call 911 for him.  I would do so if he became very agitated or if he stated to have a lot of pain.  I related to him that while I was willing to do what he wanted, I could not stand by and see him go thru a lot of suffering that I could relieve by sending him to the hospital.  Since he refused to sign any documents, even a living will I was concerned that going to the emergency room could complicate the dying process for him.  He understood my position but stated that he was in no pain, and not afraid to die.  So left it at that, and was at peace.


 


He slowly got weaker as the day went on, his oxygen level was only 65%, yet he refused any oxygen.  His mind was clear however, so I complied, difficult as that was for me to go along with.  At about 8:30 in the evening I was called by the LPN on duty and told I needed to come up right away, it was Bill.  I arrived and Bill was in bed, unconscious, with cold sweat spread out over his body.  His breathing was shallow and his body very limp and unresponsive.  We sat him up in the highest position that his hospital bed could go up, and I sent someone to get Fr Anthony to come and anoint him.  While the Sacrament was given, Bill started to recover; we knew this because he made the sign of the cross when Fr Anthony gave him the final blessing. 


 


We figured that he must have had a TIA and recovered.  We had to clean him up a bit, dried him off, and put on some dry clothes, since the ones he had on were soaked in sweat.  Knowing that he could very well die, I decided to stay and keep watch with him, keep him comfortable and pray. 


 


He looked like a child as he slept, slowly getting weaker.  His breathing became more labored, though he was still conscious and he let me know that he was not in distress, which I knew to be true by his body language.  At about 12:30 on the 30th he became unresponsive, and the PCT (Bernadette) and I again placed him in the highest sitting position possible.  He was again unresponsive, and the cold sweat returned, and his breathing started to come in small gasps.  He looked so defenseless, so little that my heart when out to this man of faith who suffered so long and so much, but still keep his deep and abiding faith.  Both Bernadette and I prayed for him and with him as he died, lifting his soul to the Father, the Father he so to abandon himself to.  He died at 12:55 without pain or undo distress.


 


After he died, we cleaned his body, fixed up the bed, and then we called in Fr Anthony to come in and give the final blessing over the body.  We then called the funeral home to come and receive the body.  Since no RN was on duty, the body had to be taken to the ER for a doctor to proclaim him dead and the death certificate filled in.


 


I think one of the greatest sufferings for anyone suffering from a chronic illness, be it  mental illness or from a physical disease that is hidden, is the lack of understanding and support that they can sometimes feel, real or imagined.   While understandable it is still sad that many are isolated by others because of this kind of misunderstanding.  I suppose the only reason I tend not to fall into that state (much of the time but not always) is because I work with the old, weak and dying, and see what some of them have to go thru when they feel undervalued, or judged harshly about their “hidden” illness. 


 


Bill’s life was a success, he never gave up no matter how dark it got, he continued on the road of faith to the end.  He also never lost his child like transparency that came out from time to time when not in the grip of his mental illness.  I was one of the drivers when he had to go to the doctor, and was amazed on how easily he shared his faith with others, in a way that was open, joyful and innocent and how people would respond to him when he did share.  There was no self consciousness about his sharing, it was free and open and joyful.


 


This transparency also came out when he would write his poetry.  Some of it was very raw, open, and dealt with how he experienced life head on.  People loved his poetry, and I remember one lady who come into the store and buy his book on poetry, ten at a time to take to people shut up in hospitals.  The lady told me that they found his writing helpful, and it also spoke to them about what they were going thru.  So Bill did have a positive effect on many people’s lives.


 


Yes his life was a success and Bill I pray and hope you found the peace you sought for so long and hard.


 


Peace


Mark


 


 


 


 


 

0 Comments

Every new every young

11.20.05 (3:59 am)   [edit]
Feast of Christ the King

Jesus Christ the King,
Lord I believe you to be.
The center from which all things flow,
Exist and prosper.
Jesus Christ the King,
A tribal deity you are not.
Hard as we try for you to be,
Limiting your love,
And saving power…..
Your desire
To transform the hearts of men, and woman,
Drawing all deeper into you infinite mystery,
And love.
We try to exclude,
With scriptures quoted,
Verses underlined,
Pounding others,
Thinking we know your will.
Projecting our own limitations,
Creating you in our own image and likeness
And worshipping that idol,
Causing ourselves and others endless pain
And suffering,
A cycle unbroken
If left outside your grace.
Oh light eternal,
Ocean of love and mercy,
I bring all to you,
All men, woman and children,
The good, and bad,
The suffering, and dying;
Those who are imprisoned,
And those who imprison,
The tortured,
And those who torture,
Thru out all space and time.
For in you all time is now.
All moments are the moment.
Full of all potential,
Ever new, and young,
Vibrant and full of life,
Eternal the moment is.
That you saving will may be accomplished.
For the saint, and the sinner,
Are not so far apart in your loving gaze,
For you know us well.
Help us to love and pray for one another,
To be a channel of your love,
Our hearts of stone becoming like your
Human and divine heart,
Filled with compassion, and understanding,
Amen.



0 Comments

The hidden face

11.19.05 (8:49 am)   [edit]
I pray Lord
as I sit here before your gaze,
help me to understand others,
their ways,
and the why"s,
that can drive me crazy,
if I don't come and sit
finding peace in your simple
profound presence.

If I can't understand
then help me to simply accept
the mystery,
the uniqueness,
the beauty,
of each of your children
that you have thought into existence
out of love,
to one day be united with you.

It is in the least;
those I consider outside,
the ones that I struggle with
sometimes perhaps hate,
it is then,
in those moments,
that you show me your face
perhaps hidden,
but nonetheless there

2 Comments

China town, squid and a messy table cloth

11.18.05 (6:59 pm)   [edit]

On the second to the last day of my visit with my sister and her husband, Paul, a friend of the family, called up and asked us if we, Judy and I, would like to go into Vancouver and have some “real” Chinese food.  Of course I jumped at the chance, so Paul came, picked us up and off we went.


 


We went to China Town, which seemed to me to be quite large, and highly populated, busy and for me very interesting.  I was like going into another country, with very few people other than Chinese around.  Probably because of the time of year; November is the wettest month.  I guess it rained most of the days I was there, but I love rain so it was no problem. 


 


We entered into a mall named “Chinatown”, unique name right?  We went up to the second floor and entered a very large restaurant, with about one hundred tables, most of which were full of very animated Chinese talking and laughing.  Not modern at all, the ceilings were very high laced with lights and red paper lanterns for decoration.  The room was very simple, and the tables had nice white table clothes.  Lucky for us there was a table available, we got seated, got our tea and then Paul began to order in earnest.  Everything is served A la carte there, the staff comes by with a cart, on the cart are bamboo containers, they stop, open the containers and we decide what we would like.


Paul ordered a variety of dishes for us, all of them look delicious.  He ordered in Chinese, or the dialect spoken there.  We had a dish that consisted of prawns, rather large wrapped in what I think was cabbage, some root that had meat in it, a pastry filled with beef or pork, not sure, other dishes that I can’t describe but turned out to be delicious.  We also got some baby squid which I found to be very tasty.  I think they were cooked in curry and perhaps a light touch of cinnamon, in any case they were tender and good, though the tentacles were a little tough or rubbery, but good none the less.


 


I did have some trouble with the chop sticks there, they were not like the ones I was used to, made of wood.  These were made of some kind of plastic, with more thickness than what I was used to.  So this combination made it very interesting for me to try to eat with them.  I think I applied too much pressure in trying to use them.  I started off with the prawn dish, picked it up (sort of) with the chop sticks, got it half way to my plate when the prawn popped out of the cabbage cover and made a nice mess on the very nice table clothe.  I quickly scooped it up and ate it.  I had a little better luck with some of the other dishes but it was a tad messy to say the least.  Of course Paul’s place was immaculate and my sisters also looked better than mine.  It was when I tried the squid, which came last that really made a splash, and I mean that literally.  I looked at the squid and tried to figure the best way to pick it up.  I foolishly tried the abdomen, too soft, and juice squirted on my part of the table clothe, so I then picked it up just below the tentacles which worked fine.  Next I decided to bring the bowl a little closer, but when I tipped it, more liquid spilled out from the bamboo container and left a very large stain on the ta